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Chapter 11: We good

Bobbi

I wake up the next morning still thinking of the fight I had with Sam. It wasn't even a real fight, more a stupid argument. And I was the stupid part. Scott is right. If I want this to work I need to talk to Sam. It's not like I'm asking his permission, but he at least deserves to know what I want to do. I know for a fact that he wouldn't come with me climbing, because he is inexperienced. And if for any reason he would decide to come along I would cancel. I don't want to lose him. And in this moment I realize something. I don't want to lose Sam. Period. But if I keep acting like a spoiled brat he might leave me. I don't even know why he chose me to begin with. But I'm not ready to find out how my life would be without him. I need to talk to him.

I get out of bed and change into some jeans and a tee shirt. I walk downstairs and eat some toast and pour myself some coffee. When I'm done I go upstairs to braid my hair and brush my teeth. I get my phone and some cash and write a note for my parents. It's still early, but I'm used to waking up at this hour. I decide to wait for Sam to wake up. I walk to his house and sit on the steps, waiting for the house to come to life. I play with my phone when someone suddenly stops in front of me. I look up and see Sam. He is wearing the same clothes as yesterday and he looks at me serious.

"I'm sorry," he says. My eyes widen in surprise and I can't hold back my own apology.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"I shouldn't have been so pushy and meddle in things that don't concern me," he says angry. I'm not sure if his anger is directed toward me or himself.

"Sam, no. I was wrong. You have every right to know these things. I overreacted. Can we go some place where we can talk?" I ask, feeling too exposed on his front porch. He nods and we take his car downtown. We stop at a café and go inside. We order a muffin and a coffee each and sit on opposite sides of each other. I swallow past the lump in my throat, trying to gather the courage to look him in the eyes.

"Bobbi, talk to me," he says almost pleadingly and I finally look up.

"I'm sorry, Sam." He opens his mouth to say something but I raise my hand to stop him. "This has nothing to do with you. I am so used being on my own that I didn't know how to handle this situation properly." For a while he remains quiet, just staring at me. I feel uneasy and want to tell him to say something, yell at me, hit the table with his first, anything.

"Don't you trust me?" he asks serious and I can hear the hurt in his voice.

"I trust you. I am not used to having someone to tell these things to," I say. He looks at me curiously. "I mean, you are the first person I care about and it scares me," I confess.

"What scares you?" he asks curious.

"It scares me that you might want to go with me. Scratch that. It terrifies me," I say and I feel tears in my eyes. "You know why I don't tell people I love about my expeditions. They would come with me and I can't have that. It's bad enough that Scott or other friends are there, but any of you would be too much."

"Will Scott be there too?" he asks.

"What?"

"In Argentina," he adds.

"Yeah, maybe. We haven't really discussed it yet."

"Would you want him there?" he asks.

"Well, yeah. He knows me, I know him. He is an excellent climber and a great friend," I say and Sam looks out of the window. I see him grit his teeth and clench his fists. "Are you jealous?" I ask and he looks at me. I can't place the emotions I see on his face.