The Highest Summit © | ✅

Chapter 31: Awakening

Scott

It's been over two months since Sam died in that tragic car accident. Bobbi is destroyed beyond repair. Her father called me two weeks after the funeral because he was so worried about her. She spent every waking hour sitting in the cemetery at his tomb talking to him like he was still there. John thought she was going insane. When she wasn't in the cemetery she would be at home in her room listening to the CD he gave her wearing his clothes.

She barely speaks to anyone, eats only when someone forces it down her throat. She cries herself to sleep and when she wakes up she cries some more. I've never seen her like this. I'm scared for her.

John thought it would be a good idea for me to come, since we have such a great relationship. I always managed to cheer her up, even after Everest, but this is different. Bobbi systematically tries to kill herself. She doesn't pick up a razor blade to slit her wrists and she doesn't take pills or drinks herself into a coma. She just gave up. She gave up on living.

I know that everyone thought and maybe still thinks that she will eventually get over it, that Sam was her first love and while she will always remember him she will love again. But if my talks with her are even remotely close to the truth, they are all wrong. Bobbi loved Sam more than anything. She still loves him and I don't think she will ever stop. The way she talked about him made me realize that.

She was never too girly, she has no clue how to exaggerate things. She didn't write her name next to his in a notebook or drew little hearts or all that other crap girls do when they have a crush. No, she was realistic, like she always is. She took the relationship seriously. She didn't talk about him like the boy she likes, but the man she loves, like her partner in everything, good or bad. Sam was for her more than her first love. I'm afraid to say, he was the only love she will ever allow in her life. Bobbi is unique this way. When she gives, she gives completely and when she gave her heart to that boy she gave it to him forever and now he's gone and she is lost without him.

I tried to engage her in conversation as best as I could but she wouldn't talk. The once never shutting-up-smart-mouth was silenced by an immense grief. I don't think her parents understand that. Then again, they never understood her to begin with. But he did, Sam did. I do too, but he was her soul mate. I always joked around telling her that her teenage love affair is sickening me, but truth be told I envied her a little. I wish I could find some day what she had with Sam, even if it would rip me apart, like it does to her. I experienced firsthand how fierce and unshakably Bobbi Moore loves and to be put through all this must be eating her alive.

Her parents were desperate, especially after Bobbi told her dad that she wants to die right after the funeral. He panicked and called me, fearing that she might do something to actually end it. I can't blame her. It hurts me so much to watch her like this. No wonder she craves release.

Annie and John encouraged me to talk more about mountains with Bobbi. They thought if I get her to come out of her shell she might get back to her old self. I sincerely doubt that, but I can't blame them for trying.

It took me nearly a month to get her to talk to me. She always avoided me, which was a feat in itself, since Annie and John invited me to stay at their house. Obviously, to both keep an eye on Bobbi and make her react in some, even small, way. My efforts, however, were fruitless until one morning when she came into my room out of nowhere and announced that she wants to climb Aconcagua. She left as soon as she said it and I found her a couple of hours later at Sam's tomb. She was telling him that she would climb her fifth summit, to honor him. I smiled to myself. She finally reacted and I was happy about that. But even though she started talking she still wasn't her old self.

We started training right after she came to me and told me she wants to climb again. We went running every morning and on weekends we went hiking. We both knew she wouldn't be ready to climb Aconcagua in December, so we made reservations for January, right after the holidays.

While she started to open up to me she still keeps her distance from anyone else. She avoids her friends. She only speaks to her family when absolutely necessary. Her mom suggested she should see a shrink, but I doubt that will help. But to my surprise Bobbi agreed, under the condition to start therapy after she returns from the mountain. Her parents immediately agreed, seeing that as a won a battle.

Annie hoped that Christmas would cheer Bobbi up, after all it is her favorite time of the year. I've noticed that she smiles more often, but the smiles don't reach her eyes. Her parents however see that as a good sign. She even started talking to them more often and when she told me she wanted all her friends gathered to say goodbye before we leave for Argentina I was more than a little surprised, but I was also happy that she started socializing again.

Her parents invited all her friends and as per Bobbi's request Sam's parents and sister. It wasn't a party, more of a get together and we talked. Well, they talked mostly. I kept my distance since I don't really know these kids and because the whole point was for Bobbi to rekindle her relationship with them. Sam's parents didn't stay long and I don't think anyone could blame them. They just lost their son and seeing how his girlfriend is moving on must be hard. Bobbi hugged both of them and I think I heard her say that she loves them and that they mean a great deal to her. After they said goodbye they left and Bobbi went on to each of her friends making small talk, hugging them and saying goodbye.

The more I watched her that evening before we left for Argentina the more I started feeling weird. It almost seemed to me like she was saying goodbye for good, like she wasn't planning on going back. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I think I'll ask her.

"You ready, Icy Bob?" I ask her as we get ready to start our final ascend. We've been on the mountain for two days, taking literally baby steps. We could be a lot faster but as per Bobbi's request she wants to enjoy the mountain and get reconnected with nature. I couldn't find it in me to decline it. For the first time in over ten weeks Bobbi seems like her old self again. Maybe John and Annie were right and all she needed was a mountain to climb. I'm glad.

"Of course I am," she says smiling, but the smile still doesn't reach her eyes.

We decided to climb alone, no group or anything. We are both experienced and Aconcagua isn't nearly as demanding as Everest or Denali. We walk side by side in complete silence until I can't take it anymore. This question has been eating me since before we left the States.

"Bobbi?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to ask you something," I say with caution. She stops and looks at me with a curious expression on her face. She nods her head indicating for me to continue. "When we were back in the States, at that get together with your friends and family, you said goodbye to all of them" I say.

"Yeah. So?" she asks clearly confused.

"It seemed to me like you were saying goodbye for a lot longer than we said we would be gone," I say apprehensive. She looks at me directly in the eyes. She doesn't say anything for a while, but turns on her heels and continues her climb. Several minutes pass until she finally speaks up.

"I'm not planning to go back," she says in an almost hushed voice.

"What?" I ask, unsure I heard her right.

"I'm not planning on returning right away. After Aconcagua I want to go hiking somewhere or do something fun," she says without looking at me. I'm taken aback. That was the last thing I expected. I really thought that after climbing this mountain she would want to go back home. I honestly don't know how I feel about this, so I keep my mouth shut for now.

As we climb the mountain on this sunny January morning I think back on all the years I've known Bobbi Moore. She was always so strong and determined and an inspiration to everyone who ever knew her. Seeing this side of her, this vulnerable and broken Bobbi, makes my heart ache and wonder if she will ever be Ice Mountain Bobbi again. I don't care what everyone else thinks or what show Bobbi puts on for her family and friends. This isn't her. This is not the Bobbi I knew. This is a shell that just pretends to be whole. I wonder if she'll ever be whole again. I hope so. She deserves it.