Padmé Amidala - her perspective

Chapter 15 - time is up

Next time I came to the surface again, I was lying in a bright room and I realized that I was in a hospital.

To my surprise, Bail Organa was standing next to me along with Yoda and Obi-Wan. In my periphery I saw droids floating around, whistling and beeping. I inhaled and the motion made me wince. Bail noticed and worry flashed over his usually calm face. He glanced at Obi-Wan who leaned forward.

"Padmé", he said softly, examining my face intently to make sure I heard what he was saying. "There is damage to your larynx, compression to your trachea and your hyoid bone is fractured. Do you understand that?"

I opened my mouth to answer but immediately realised talking would hurt to much. So I simply nodded.

"We are going to do a checkup to make sure the baby is fine and see what kind of operation might be necessary."

For a mere moment, a fraction of a heartbeat I considered gathering whatever strength I had left, go through the operation, fleeing to Naboo, deliver my children and spend the rest of my life hiding from the Empire. Perhaps I could try to form some sort of alliance from whatever was left of our delegation, starting from scratch to undermine the dictatorship.

But I couldn't even bring myself to finish that thought before pain took its hold of me, a phantom one, the kind you get when you lose a limb - or a part of yourself. Imagining my life without Anakin brought my attention to the hole he had carved into my heart and I realised I wasn't strong enough to live with that. I couldn't go. My body was to worn from shock, to weak from anxiety, to broken from heartbreak. I didn't have it in my to put up a fight against the crippling ache that his actions had left me with. I didn't have it in me to carry on without him.

Obi-Wan looked into my eyes and his own was filled with compassion.

"You still have a chance", he said and lowered his voice while speaking with sincerity. "It's up to you, Padmé. Fight for this, and we will do whatever we can to help you."

His words made my eyes sting because I knew what he meant and I desperately didn't want that. They tried to save my life. I did not want to be saved. I just wanted to die. Nothing was left except the pain, knowing that it was too late – everything was so incredibly too late. Nothing remained of what had been my life. I had nothing to contribute to the world, my occupation was doomed. I had no home or security left for my children because of the target on my back.

I wanted to tell them, but I sank into the black water again before I got a chance.

I was gone a long time, just floating around in the pain. I tried to distract myself but I couldn't and I desperately wished for every heartbeat to be the last one. But the next time I returned to the surface there was no room for prayers. Obi-Wan sat next to me, alone this time.

"Padmé, we will start delivering your kids now," he whispered.

The kids? Wasn't it just one kid? Had I really been carrying twins all along? And were they really about to be brought into this world? My head woke up a little. As much I wanted to die, surely I wanted to see my children first, right? Be able to put a face on what had lived inside me for so long?

Yes. I wanted that.

I couldn't bring myself to carry on with my life, but I would use every ounce of energy left in me to save my children, to give them life outside my failing body. My pulse was weak, every beat a warning that my heart would only beat a few more times. Obi-Wan and the other ones had to know that as well, that's why they were about to induce me.

My time was nearly up.

And I would never get to see Anakin again.

The pain over that fact took hold of me at the same moment as the physical pain did as my body started to push. This was so wrong. I was not meant to give birth here. I was supposed to be on Naboo, and Anakin Skywalker, a completely light and caring and normal Anakin would sit next to me, not Obi-Wan.