Bail contacted me after a while and I answered – still sitting on the bed, exhausted from my previous breakdown.
"What's going on?" I said, my voice not stronger than a whisper.
Bail sounded nothing like his usual, calm self.
"I have been at the Jedi Temple," he said, and he sounded almost petrified. "The clone's said there was a rebellion, but I do not believe them. They killed... killed a youngling. "
"This is madness!" I said with a faint sob.
"Do you think that the Chancellor has something to do with this?" Bail wondered.
I hadn't even considered that, but now a warning bell began ticking in the back of my head and I remembered my earlier musings. A plan. Treason. Betrayal.
"Now he has eliminated the Jedi," I nodded. "That's how it has to be. Get rid of everything that stands in the way of controlling the Senate."
"I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you before", Bail said. "Maybe we could have avoided this if we had included the Jedi."
"I'm not too sure", I answered, and to my horror, I meant every word.
"I will try to save as many Jedi as I can, but it is not certain that anyone survives," Bail said.
"Contact me if you need anything", I said.
"We'll talk soon", he answered simply and ended the call.
Time passed but I could not fall asleep. I had no idea how many Jedi survived or if Anakin was unharmed. I didn't even notice the time passing. Nothing caught my attention, and I lost count of how many times C-3PO checked on me.
After what seemed like an eternity he finally said something that caught my attention.
"Anakin is on his way here," he began.
I didn't even finish listening, just threw myself out of bed and rushed through the entire apartment towards the terrace. He was alive! He was safe! The relief was almost too much for my worn-out body to handle without actually being near him but thankfully I only had to wait a few moments. I could almost instantly spot his yellow starfighter soaring towards me. My heart was beating almost painfully heard as he landed, jumped out and ran up to me.
For a few seconds when our lips met I managed to edge out everything else. I was so grateful that he was alive and well that I wanted to break down in his arms. But then reality returned and my relief was quickly swapped for a desperate need for answers.
"Are you all right? I heard about the attack on the Jedi Temple, you can see the smoke from here!"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," he promised. "I came to see if you and the baby are safe."
I looked intently at him, searched his eyes for clues. Just like when he returned from killing Dooku he was alarmingly calm and I knew better than to let it slide this time.
Now it was time for the truth, no excuses.
"What's happening?"
"The Jedi have tried to overthrow the Republic."
When I heard him speak those words I realised two things. Firstly, I had actually been worried that he might say that. That the official explanation was the real one. And secondly, it could not be the truth. It was absolutely false, with no doubt. He was simply wrong.
"I can't believe that," I said.
"I saw Master Windu's attempt to assassinate the Chancellor myself," he said.
That made me flinch. A rebellion by the Jedi was a false accusation that Anakin could easily have been convinced to be the truth. But something that he had seen with his own eyes? How was I supposed to react to that? I tried to collect my thoughts. I knew I had several counter-arguments, but they suddenly seemed so far away and I could only silently accept that whatever this was, it went deeper than I could ever imagine.
"Oh Anakin, what are you going to do?"
He sighed and turned away from me, took a few steps.
"I will not betray the Republic." He turned to me again. "My loyalties lie with the Chancellor, with the Senate ..."
He walked up to me. "... and with you."
I looked anxiously at him. He had left out the only person I wanted his loyalty to lie with.
"What about Obi-Wan?"
"I don't know. Many Jedis have been killed, we can only hope that he will remain loyal to the Chancellor. "
The fear was growing in my stomach and I was afraid I would be sick. Be loyal to the Chancellor or die? What kind of a choice is that? If the Chancellor murdered the Jedi's because they were not loyal, who stood next in line? I for one had already, unknowingly, made the choice to die. What about Mon Mothma? Bail Organa? The Two Thousand Petition, or anyone else who had expressed concerns about the Chancellor?
"Anakin, I'm afraid," I whispered.
"Have faith, my love. Everything will soon be set right m," he promised and stroked my hair.
"The Chancellor has given me a very important mission. The Separatists have gathered in the Mustafar-system. I'm going there to end this war. Wait for me until I return. Things will be different, I promise," he said.
The Separatists. The war. Right. I just nodded, and then he kissed me.
"Please, wait for me," he repeated afterwards.
And he turned back, went down to his starfighter, and sat in it. I followed him with my eyes when he started the engines and flew away.
There were too many thoughts, too many theories and too many catastrophic hypotheses lining up inside me and above all that, a desperate need for Anakin to stay longer. I hated watching him go, now more than ever. I needed him to stay and help me sort all of this out, stand beside me as I tried to connect the dots and find a solution. I needed him to protect me and love me, I needed to protect him and love him.
C-3PO came up to me.
"Mylady, is there anything I can do for you?" he wondered.
"No thank you, 3PO," I whispered.
He began to walk away from me, but I heard him mutter:
"Uh, I feel so helpless."
That makes it two of us, I thought.
YOU ARE READING
Padmé Amidala - her perspective
Fanfiction"After a while I was able to get ahold of my breath enough to stop the trembling and sit up. I slowly lifted my hand and placed it on my belly, instinctively checking my baby in the most primitive way. As the anxiety subsided I was able to focus on...