Padmé Amidala - her perspective

Chapter 14 - you're breaking my heart

As soon as Obi-Wan's ship had flown away I contacted my flying team and ordered them to make my ship ready for immediate departure. Then I quickly changed, braided my hair and drove off to my platform at a speed I never had held before. My only company was C-3PO.

On the landing platform my security officer captain Typho waited.

"Going somewhere, mylady?"

"Yes," I replied. "But it isn't something political. Please don't notify anyone of this."

"Mylady, let me come with you," he begged and followed me as I walked towards the ship.

"There is no danger. Fighting is over and this is personal." My face was blank and my tone was sharp.

He nodded in defeat.

"As you wish, Mylady. But I strongly disagree."

I stopped at the beginning of the ramp and turned to him.

"I'll be alright, Captain. This is something I have to do myself. Besides, 3PO will look after me."

Then I boarded, without bothering to say goodbye.

"Oh dear," the droid murmured behind me.

I sat in the cockpit and started the ship.

"You know, I actually think I'm starting to get used to this flying business," said C-3PO.

I did not answer, just leaned back and let the droid lift and fly the ship. I sat quietly the entire trip, shut myself in my own thoughts, almost falling asleep. I was still exhausted from the shock of todays events. My body felt weaker than ever, my heartbeat was to rapid and my palms seemed to be permanently damp. The worst thing was the lump of anxiety in my chest, carrying the weight of a stone, reminding me of its existence with every breath I drew. I winced and 3PO glanced at me but didn't comment on it.

I tried to focus on what was ahead of me, tried to visualise clearing this whole mess up and then be rid of this forever. I remembered how Anakin had stood by Ashoka when no one believed in her, and now it was my turn to give him that same benefit of a doubt. I thought of his question about Clovis the other day, remembering our brief pause after his violent actions. He had turned out to be right about Clovis and I would turn out to be right about him now. I never regretted returning to him after that and I wouldn't now either.

I did not doubt for one second that Palpatine was the Sith Lord. That was something I had accepted almost straight away - he was already a dictator, a liar and a murderer, all common traits among Sith Lords. He was evil. He was the bad guy, no question. But not Anakin. I could not believe that Anakin had gone over to the dark side. All I needed to know was that he had not. Then we could run away together to Naboo and never again have to be concerned by the terrible fact that the Chancellor was now Emperor.

And when I thought that, I realized that I had already given up all thoughts of a free society. I had already fought my entire life, I didn't have it in me to fight anymore. That thought saddened me. I wasn't used to accepting defeat, but I was too tired to do anything else at this point. Tired and scared for me and my baby. My only hope now was to succeed ripping Anakin from the Emperor's claws if that was where he had ended up, and then go far away from whatever politics was called.

My final goal, the last thing I could do. It was selfish but I could not hate myself for it. The survival instinct was stronger than everything else and I knew I was standing at the top of the Emperor's black list for my low-key statement in congress, and for my participation in the Delegation of the Two Thousand. For my sake and for the sake of my baby, this was the only option left.