terrible things - ashton irwin

fifty

"Close your eyes," Ashton said. He was reaching into the drawer by the side of his bed. I pretended to squint, then opened my eyes wide as he pulled out a pocketknife with a gleaming silver blade.

"When a knife's around, I like to pay attention," I said. "Sort of as a matter of policy."

He laughed, then coughed. "I'm not going to point it at you," he said. "Only this" He gestured toward the sleeping porch's wainscoting.

"What are you going to do?"

"It's a surprise," he said. 'You'll see. Just close your eyes."

I watched him dig the tip into the wood, and then I did as he asked. I don't know how much time passed, but I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Ashton was nudging me awake. "Look," he said.

Carved into the wall of the porch was a message: B+C4EVER.

"Bonnie and Clyde," he said. He was smiling at me, his perfect, crooked grim. "That's us."

"Forever," I said.

We lay back down, and Ashton wrapped his arms around me. I traced the veins of his wrist, their delicate blue lines showing through his skin like a road map, and I thought of the map in my backpack, the one we'd marked with every stop: LA. The redwoods. Detroit. I thought, too, of my bag of souvenirs. Magical objects, a snow globe, a glass orb, that in certain lights looked exactly like junk.

"I miss you already," Ashton said softly.

"I'm here," I whispered back. "I'll always be here."

"But I won't," he said.

In my chest swelled an ache unfathomably deep and dark. And I said nothing, because I knew he was right. I kissed his face, his lips, and then somehow, we slept.

But in the middle of the night, we woke up, and without words we turned to each other. Ashton's hands reached for me, and his mouth pressed itself against my neck. I brought his face up to mine, hungry to taste his lips. We kissed, and I heard a low moan, mine. I realised I was trembling.

Ashton smiled, lightly tracing the lines of my brown, my nose, my mouth. "Don't be nervous," he whispered.

How could I not be nervous? I knew what was going to happen. The air changed with it. We were going to kiss until we were breathless, and then...and then...

I moved closer to him, running my hand along his hip and down his thigh. I felt him shiver as I brushed my fingers along the smoothness of his stomach.

He caught my hand an held it. "I love you," he said.

"I love you back," I whispered. And then I slid my fingers out of his so I could touch him again.

We kissed for what seemed like hours, sometimes tenderly, sometimes almost desperately. Sometimes we stopped and just looked at each other. As if we were memorising our bodies and memorising this moment. I felt like I was made of nothing but longing.

Then Ashton pulled away, and I watched as he slipped his shirt over his head. His olive skin seemed to glow in the half-light. He looked at me questioningly, and then he reached for the buttons on my blouse. He was whispering my name.

"Do you want to-" he asked.

Yes," I said.

We wriggled out of the rest of out clothes, and then I wrapped my arms around his back. I guided him toward me. I wanted to pull into my body, as if we could become one person; as if, finally, I could protect him.

Ashton was breathing hard and we were kissing. I touched him everywhere, even a I felt myself dissolving. He whispered words into my mouth, but I couldn't concentrate on what they were, because something inside me was unfurling. I was no longer Lavender Moore. I was me and I was him; I was the night and the stars. The two of us lay on that bed and shuddered with desire.

Afterward, he slept right against me, and I stared at our initials in the flickering candlelight. B+C4EVER.

And somehow I knew it was true. We would be together forever.

-

word count - 715

very close to the end now, and I want to thank everybody who has gotten this far in this badly grammered love story that I have put my heart and soul into. Thank you, thank you.

- Charlotte xox