eDgY StUFf heHeEHHehE

...

soo....

i m b a c k

surprising, right?

well guess what

im not dead yet ;') (notice that yet)

have u ever felt like

you wish you had a friend friend friend

like

the kind of friend that's like you

not just the best friend, or bff

the kind of person that will actually realize when you want to do suicide, the kind of person who will actually give you the advice you need, the kind of person who is all straight-up and wont hide their feelings from you?

because

i have 3 best "friends".

and my current situation with them all?

one of them is selfish and insults another one of my best friends, another best friend and i had an argument because i cant support her on something extremely huge (due to my religion), and the other best friend and i dont talk as much anymore and she doesnt exactly care about the situations that happen irl to me.

look, i dont know anymore

im sorry that i havent made you realize you dont have to act older then you are, and that you have to stop making my friends esteem lower then it is

im sorry for not agreeing with you on some subjects. i cant. i have my beliefs and for me my religon comes first.

im sorry for caring about you so much and asking about your life so much and helping so much that you think the only thing that makes me happy is hearing about your life.

and to all my friends,

im sorry that i can never seem to get friendships right. sorry i want to hide and cry the whole day. sorry that i cant make myself happy and be able to be there for everything. sorry my worries might make you more stressed, sorry that i want to die. i should know better, right? i should know that even though you all say you care when my turn comes to be sad you make it yours. thats how life is. im sorry for being so selfish and sensitive. 

im a dumbass. i tell myself that everyday. im extremely stupid.

im stupid for even writing this.

im so selfish.

like, i actually am.

im making my friends seem bad.

they arent.

especially the second friend i talked about.

shes going through a rough time, and of course i have to put the spotlight on me.

im such a dumbass.