April 12,
Last night at this time i told my closest friends what i do and i tried so hard to explain to them why i do it . I really wanted to break down and cry but i just faked smiled while telling them . Im scared that if we ever got in a fight then my secret would be out . People would look at me as if i was a freak . I dont want people to think i do it for attention . I do it cause when im in a situation that i have no idea how to handle i do it . But whenever i do it its not for a stupid reason , i do it cause i dont know what to do . I dont do it cause i want to be skinny . Its mainly just cause of everything that goes on in my life , and because when i look in the mirror and i look at myself , i cant help but to look at all my flaws . My stomach is fat , my thighs are fat and i hate the fact that im white . I swear there are so many people that judge you based on your looks . Like get to know me first then you can talk all the shit that you want . But when i told my friends what i did they didnt know how to act . I told them stories about my childhood one of them was about to cry . The one thing they didnt do that i would have wanted then to do is show me that they are there for me . All i want is for someone to care .
