12:29pm
I sit in my room all night, not being able to fall asleep. Every night the voices in my head take over telling me things that hurt me to much to repeat. Its like once im alone they come out and do whatever it takes to make me wish i was gone. Whatever they did worked, i dont want to be here anymore. Im tired of looking in the mirror and feel disgusting. Maybe that is what i am, disgusting. My huge ass feet, the purple stretch marks on my thighs and chest, the fat on my cheeks and stomach, my double chin, my fat fingers, my huge wrist, my annoying voice, the way my knees curve into each other. I hate everything about my self, everything. If i just ended it all then i could finally be happy for once. Im convinced that im going to be alone for the rest of my life. Theres not one person on this world that would ever love someone as hideous as me. The feelings i have are so hard to put into words that it makes it almost impossible to share. Day by day im gaining more and more weight. Even if i throw it up the fat is still there and theres nothing i can do about it! Im tired of being this way! Im tired of going somewhere and seeing someone so skinny and wishing that i was them! I just have so much hatred towards myself so much, i-i cant even explain it! Ive been crying myself to sleep for months and no one even notices how much pain i feel emotionally. Why do i have to be alone in this whole thing. Why cant i just be beautiful?
