6:59 pm
Nothing has really changed this week. Im sad all the time and i still want to die but to much of a coward to actually do it. I have thought so much about telling my mom about my depression. Some people might say im stupid for thinking i have depression but the this is that i know that i have depression. Its not normal to think about killing yourself everyday. Anyways back to what i was saying, i think im going to tell my mom about what ive done and how i feel. Im just scared to because my mom isnt the type to take anything into consideration. Im afraid that when i try to tell her shes going to try and blame everything on me and get mad then leave like she always does. Once i try to talk to her about something serious she just leaves and doesnt let me finish. I bet you anything when i tell her i want to see a therapist shes just going to leave and not even listen to what i have to say. As i sit alone on my bed with my knees to my chest, i am forced to drown in all of my thoughts and all the possibilities of what could happen. I dont want to think about any of this right now but i kind of have no choice. Its best for me to be prepared for whatever might happen, weather the outcome is good or bad. I just need for my mom to understand me and help me get the help i need desperately. If i keep everything bottled up inside me then one its going to explode and all hell will break loose.
