1:31am
I hate being alone so much. I cant blame anyone but myself though because its my fault. Its my fault that i dont let anyone it but then again its not like anyone tries. It just sucks to not have anyone that truly understands you and when you try to explain it it suddenly becomes harder to put into words. The only thing that understands you is the razor. It knows how to make the pain go away and takes your mind off of everything. Its like a drug, like an addiction you cant get rid of with a snap of a finger. The one thing that sucks is that every scar it gives you is another reminder of everything you've ever done wrong or bad. Every time you look down at your arm you feel ashamed of yourself because you only wanted to be happy when you made that scar. Then you realize that youre being selfish, and later that night you cry your eyes out and finally cut again. Its just a repeating thing that you can never get rid of. Being alone does all these things to me that i cant control an i hate it. I know i cant help that I have depression but when is it going to get any better? I dont even know what im doing half of the time because im so tired and i just want to sleep and never wake up.
