1:27 pm
After thinking hard about my "future" and after everything ive been through, i can honestly say that i dont want to move in with Elena. She doesnt even pay attention to me when someone else is around. Supposably im her "bestfriend" but she never text me, calls me or even ask to hang out. shes only asked me like 3 times to hang out and the rest was all me. If i didnt make an effort to hang out with her then we wouldnt be as close as we are. It annoys me so much cause im always the one to get left out and when im not left out i dont know how to act. I think im better off just having fake friends then ones that just idk but shes getting on my nerves a lot more then i thought she would. She always tries to argue with me even when im right. its like any conversation i have with her it turns into an argument. I dont know what it is but i always have this urge to hurt myself rather than people. Its really weird but its just how i think and feel. Im so fucking weak i swear, i cant even keep myself together without writing. Some people think that writing does nothing but to me it feels like im talking to a mirror cause i know that im the only that understands myself. I wouldnt mind dying cause i would be put out of my misery. I always think about ways i could kill myself. Wherever i go i look at my surroundings and think of all the ways i could kill myself. theres not one second i dont think about it and it sucks cause i just wish to be a normal person but for some reason ill never be.
