12:23am
Three simple words were so effective on me. If i was having a bad day and someone asked me those three words i would break down and everyone would know. One little thing can cause me to burst out of control and i wouldn't know how to stop unless i cut myself. I know this from experience, one day i was really sad and none of my friends didn't even noticed or ask if i was doing fine and that caused me to feel hurt, angry, and depressed. When we were a lunch some of my other friends came up to me and kept on bugging me asking me what was wrong and thats exactly what i wanted to be asked just not by them. After i told them for the tenth time that I'm fine and to leave me alone they did. When they left, Zo and Elena who i was eating with asked me the same exact question. Finally, they asked me but that didn't change the fact that i was still mad cause they should have been the first ones to ask me. Ive always asked them how they were and i was always there when they needed a shoulder to cry on but when it was me there was no one that would catch me once i fell. "Oh so now you ask?" i answered their question and walked off as if nothing happened but on my way back to my locker after lunch i got stopped by my other friend Bryanna. Knowing Bryanna she wouldn't leave me alone unless i told her what was going on. That when she said those three words, "Are you okay?" i couldn't answer or else i would have cried and started to shake and be scared of everyones touch. So i ran to the restroom and went into a stall and yet Bryanna still followed me. She wouldn't stop, she even climbed over the stall and under just to ask me if i was okay. It was right then and there i started to cry, i backed up into the stall and slid down the door with my head in between my knees trying to hide my face as i cried. Bryanna finally left only to return with Wendy, Zo, and Elena. They were knocking on the stall door asking me those three words, i opened the stall door and all three of them looked surprised. I brushed by all of them while they were attempting to grab my arm and talk to me but i go out quicker than i thought i could and went straight to class. I know that they would try to interrogate me there cause there would be other kids looking. A few minutes after i sat down i heard other people sit down at the same table as me. Of course they were back, they weren't asking me questions though. And i found out one i felt someone tap my should and heard the voice of my reading teacher i jumped at her touch. "Katrina, are you okay?" i didn't answer though because i just wanted to be left alone. "Katrina all the other students are staring at you, do you want to talk about it?" all i could say was "no, no, no." while shaking my head. Finally everyone left me alone, that was until Wendy told me that if i didn't talk to the the teacher than i was gonna have to talk to the councilor. And i hated the councilor her, he looked a lot like a rapest and the last thing i wanted was to be in a room alone with one. I wanted to talk to Wendy before talking to anyone else so i walked outside and took Wendy to, "What's wrong Katrina?" her voice full of concern. "I don't know i just cant take it anymore I'm sad all the time and i don't like who i am and who I've become i don't want to do it anymore Wendy I'm tired and i hate myself and i cant do it anymore." the last part was said in a sob. Wendy just hugged me and mumbled stuff to me like its going to be okay its okay but thats the thing, it wasn't. I remember telling her "No it's not it's not going to be okay." Once i was done hugging Wendy it was time for me to talk to the teacher. As my teacher, Ms.Linda was asking me questions like if i was okay and what was wrong i was lying to her the whole time saying that i wasn't feeling well and I'm just tired and didn't want to talk about it. She said it was a surprise to see me cry because I'm the one student she didn't expect to see sad and then pulled me into a hug. Finally everything was over but later that day Wendy wanted me to go with her to see a therapist because she said that shes notice I've changed in the past year. She said that i could try it and if i liked it i could ask my mom to take me but my mom didn't know about what i did and she still doesn't. We never went to go see a therapist though which i was kind of happy cause the last thing i wanted to do was bring someone else into my problems. And thats why I'm so scared of those three words cause they bring back this memory and that was my first time crying in school and the first time my friends seen me cry.
