Creep // jalyssa

🔪the mistakes we make, the hearts we break

I woke up, in James's arms, hugging him, cuddling him, not ever wanting to let go.

I continuously heard a woman in a speaker say "flight landing is in 30 minutes."

Fuck, thirty minutes? I slept for that long?

It was safe to say James hadn't slept at all. Maybe he just didn't like flights. Maybe he never took one. In the town we live, you don't really get out. It's a miracle James and I did.

He looked down at me, smiling, but kind of unsettling. Not for me, but for him. It looked like he forced himself to, as if somethings wrong. His eyes had dark bags under them, speaking out his sleepless night.

"What's wrong? You haven't slept a lot, I see."

"I'm just...tired." He yawned, faking it. But I left him alone.

____________________________________________________________

Fuck, I wanted to kill her.

Fuck, she's pregnant with my child.

Fuck, this, shit.

During my sleepless night, and Alyssa obviously not relating, my thoughts went deep as i was watching a movie on the monitor.

The thought that I was ready to kill her, that this had all just happened because I wanted to kill her, and I never had the guts to, because I instead fell in love with her, and I don't regret it, any bit of it.

But just the thought that I was ready to take away an innocent girls life, what the fuck was wrong with me?

And then I killed this serial rapist, who was ready to take away her innocence, and I killed him.

And I didn't regret any bit of that. I mean, I wish i hadn't, but what if I had? Alyssa would've been dead, probably, if not dead traumatized for sure.

And I basically saved a thousands of girls life. I should be rewarded.

And yes, I've seen the pregnancy test Alyssa decided to take behind my back. I've found it, falling out of her bag. Jesus Christ, im the father.

I'm the only possibility to be.

And I was running away with her. I was doing all these mistakes with her.

Mother probably wouldn't have ever wanted this, my dad is pretty much disappointed too.

I bet her parents wouldn't care if she'd be dead, well, her stepfather at least. He'd sure want her dead.

I don't know, I don't fucking know how to handle a child's life if I can't handle my own. She's just 17, I've turned 18 two months ago. We're just young, we don't deserve this trauma.

But then again, it's not like I don't want to have a child with Alyssa. This is breathtaking news, I'm happy yet concerned and worried, mostly for Alyssa and the child.

For fucks sake, I don't know how to do this. To her, to our child growing inside of her, to me, to us.

We're fucked.

A/N ;

Man I don't even fucking know