Creep // jalyssa

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James.

"Alyssa!" He yelled after me as I walked to the back of the restaurant, and tears had already streamed down my face.

Let me summarize why I was crying and running away from what I once thought saved me from all this.

With seventeen I woke up in a lovely hotel in Hawaii, and after days of feeling sick, I found myself alone in the room with the sheets next to me pressed against the bed as if someone had once laid there, which someone once did.

And as soon as I knew it, i threw up again.

Money was laid beside me on a small table next to the bed, and it was enough to say the least, but I didn't knew what to do with a child in my stomach and alone and hopeless.

I was so hopeless.

First thing I got after vomiting was a panic attack, and then I ate breakfast, and then I left the whole building and the whole place.

Should I raise the child or abort it? I didn't know, but thinking about abortion already terrified me, since I really shouldn't think about it if I did keep it. But I was seventeen, and since I can't even handle my own life, how on earth am i supposed to handle somebody else's?

I booked a flight to New York after getting an apartment there, and attending my first job as a waitress in a small Italien place. The money I made was okay, but never enough. I still didn't know what to do about the child growing inside of me.

Pros : it's a child, and I could give it a good life if I tried hard enough. Plus, I don't know about abortion, and maybe not being alone anymore and having a piece of what's the most important to me would maybe save me a little at least.

Cons : it would never know who's dad it was, or maybe i wouldn't be able to give it a perfect life at all. Maybe I'd be a terrible mother, and I don't even have a proper job yet.

Then it happened again. Vomit.

I made a lovely friend on my second day there. Her name was violet, and she was a very sweet girl with an extremely lovely personality. She helped me through a lot during my worst times, and she still continues to do exactly that.

She figured I'd been lost, and came over to mine one day. Since then, we found a bunch of things we shared in common, and she said she'd help me by any minute with the pregnancy, just if I need it. And to make it less hard, she asked me to move in with her, which I ended up doing.

So, I ended up keeping the child. A daughter, Skylar.
I gave birth to her with 17, and she's now 3 years old. She talks a lot, and admires violet very much. I'm working at a more fancy and better paid restaurant, and own more money than I did before.

Everything was usually fine, until his face came back into my life.