Twisted Memories [Under Revision]

Chapter IV

Tears

Weeks have passed ever since the annual sports festival occurred. The happenings during that night of the party still haunt my mind. I don't know why but it feels like a figment of my memories were lost. Little by little, the jovial feelings I had in the past comes back to me. The happiness I have had before when I met him. Recently, I've been having dreams about him but his face was blurry, although his eyes was the only part of his face I can clearly see. He had a deep brown eyes, his identity lingered my mind. Everything comes back to me. I couldn't believe that I actually fell in-love before.

Why does it feel like he's so close to me? I just can't recognize him. Thinking of him gives me solace.

It's weekend, I wanted to hang out with Jeremy but decided against it. I don't know why but I've been keeping distance from him after the sports festival.

I slumped my body on the couch and read The Fault In Our Stars to get some distraction. It was so silent, my mom is doing the dishes. When she was done, she wiped her hands with the face towel. I peered towards her, contemplating whether I should ask her question or not.

She noticed that I've been staring, so she spoke and broke the silence "What're you looking at? Is there something on my face?" she asked quizzically.

"I was just wondering..." I started, clearing my throat. She looked at me questioningly.

"What?"

"About my past."

"Ah, I see." she tapped her fingers on her chin. Pursing her lips together. The past, that was something that she wanted to avoid discussing. It didn't go well for us, it was ugly so we decided to reform ourselves and vowed to never look back. She and I made a pact that we'd have to move forward and forget everything. I did. But then lately I broke the promise and reminisced about this boy whose name, face, and entirety I've forgotten.

"It's me. Not you. Me, you know, my past? The one that doesn't involve you?" I elaborated. This is awkward. I took a deep breath and composed myself.

"About this boy..." I continued.

"Ah, so you're referring to your love life eh." she said teasingly, smirking at me.

"Did I had some boy I liked before?"

"Yes you did dear, you two were very cute." she giggled giddily.

"Do you happen to know what his name was? I mean who he was?"

"I actually remember a bit but I've forgotten. He has a curly messy hair, brown eyes and at first he was lull, but then he became goofy when he hanged out with you."

"Really?" it piqued my interest how I influenced him. That I fell for him. Mom told me about the boy and how adorable he was. He used to stay in my house and we watch movies together. The memory seems pleasant, it made me smile.

I don't really remember my life back when I was fourteen. My mom told me I had a dissociative amnesia, it was at that time when she and dad had divorce. My memories were buried and blocked due to my desire of burying it. We could've gotten a therapist but she told me that it's better if things remained forgotten, so she chose to tell me the implicit details and left out the excruciating part. I was depressed and I had a mental breakdown. I didn't fully remember how the separation happened, this explains why I don't have any grudge held for my father was because I haven't remembered the way he hurt mom. She was very subtle about it, she didn't say anything that'd ruin my impression of him, she simply advice me to respect him and love him cause he's my father. A part of me felt self-remorse because of my ignorance though.