Reader discretion is advised
*Sexual Content*This is part 2 of a imagine based on the song "IN MY BLOOD" by the brilliant Shawn Mendes.
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Y/n's *POV*
Shawn's kiss just reminded me that he's the love of my life. What am I doing? I've been treating him like he means nothing to me. But that's not it at all.
Once he ends our kiss his hands land softly on my cheeks. I look up at him, and stare into his beautiful brown eyes.
"I know you love me as I love you, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I understand what happened, and you aren't yourself anymore. But sweetie you will never get better if you don't talk to me or someone.
You don't talk to me, you don't look at me, and you won't let me touch you. You aren't helping yourself like this. What happened to you is something I wish I could take back, but I can't. I hate what happened especially when it was on my watch. I know I wasn't there, but please don't punish me for this. I know that apologizing won't fix it, but you need to let me in again.
Y/n I'm scared. I'm scared I'm losing you. Not in the state of you leaving me, but in the state of you not being the woman I'm in love with. You are still you deep down inside and getting raped can change a person. Just don't leave me forever. Come back when you are ready. Never leave me." He tells me still holding my face making me look into his eyes.
I begin to cry, not wanting to make Shawn feel this way. I love him, I've just been angry and hurt. I've been taking it out on him, and I know I'm wrong for it.
"Shawn, I don't blame you for anything. I'm not trying to punish you, and I'm sorry. I've been so cruel to you. I'm so, so, so sorry. I don't know what's happening to me. I never wanted you to feel like this. I didn't want this life. I wanted for you and I to be happy. I wanted more for us. I wanted us to have children, but we can't. I wanted you to have a family, but I can't give that to you. There was nothing left for me to give you so I gave uo on us and everything with it.
Right now we were supposed to have a baby, but we don't. I lost our baby." I cry in his arms"Y/n. Listen to me. You have brought all the color into my life. You're the movement in everything I do. For me you make the world spin. I wish I could stay with you the whole day long. We might not have a love story you hear in fairy tales, movies, or even songs. We don't have the best love story, but at least we have each other. You didn't lose our child. What happened wasn't because of you, you couldn't do anything. And you never know we might still have a chance to have children. It maybe a very small chance. And if not we can adopt and that's all I need." Shawn informs me and I nod still crying.
"All I ask for is that you let me in." He begs of me.
"I will. I'm going to try." I promise him.
"That's all I needed to hear." He smiles.
I wrap myself around him, and he holds me in his arms.
"You're letting me touch you." He says to me, and I can feel him smiling.
"Am I going to get Y/n back now?" Shawn adds.
"Yes, I'm here." I assure him hating the fact that I seemed like a whole different person.
"How did you deal with me? I was so horrible to you." I state.
"I wasn't going to give up on you. You wouldn't have gave up on me. No matter what you say or do, I'll still love you." He answers.
I've been the worst person ever, to this man. Honestly I was blaming him for everything, but I also was blaming myself. I took my anger out on him and I didn't care enough to stop. Everything has changed me, but it hasn't changed the way I feel about him.
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