Messed-up
9:30 na ng umaga pero heto parin ako sa kama, at nakatulala habang yakap yakap ako ni Sasha. I'm really thankful na nandito siya. Kahit na hindi niya alam kung anong nangyari sa akin, still, she comforted me.
"baks, kung ano man ang problema mo, ready ako makinig, pero pag hindi mo kaya, i'll be more than willing to wait" im sure na naririnig niya ang mga hikbi ko. She's still calming me, pero mas lalo lang akong naiiyak. Hindi ako nagalaw pero feeling ko ang dumi dumi ko.
That bitch! She would do everything to ruin me! She's so desperate na maging presedente ng council. Tangina niya! Tangina nila! I only filed to gain grades, hindi pari kamuhian ang sarili ko! Damn! I hate them. No, I loathe them!
"I hate her, Sasha. I want her dead! Fuck her!" Nanggagalaiti talaga ako sa galit. Tangina talaga! I don't know if i can control my anger especially if I would see that witch!
"Shhh. please Ara, please Calm down. Baka bumalik ang sakit mo. You're releasing too much emotions. Please Ara, calm down." Patuloy niya parin akong kinakalma, i tried to calm but i cant! Fuck! I need to! I don't want to be depressed, my emotions are uncontrollable. Babalik ang sakit na 10 taon ko ng nabitawan! I don't want to be depressed and i would kill myself again. But that is what i'm thinking right now.
Sasha never left my side. Somehow, i feel calm. Tinignan ko siya na tila ba aligaga ito at patuloy na tinitignan ang relo niya. She looked at me and smiled. Pero kilalang kilala ko ang bestfriend ko, may lakad siya. And she has to go.
"Sash, you can go. I'm calm now" i held her hands to assure her na kalmado nako. Feeling ko naman, basta hindi lang matrigger ang galit ko.
She sighed.
"I'm sorry baks, kailangan ko lang talaga. Don't worry, babalik ako agad. And please, just stay here." I nodded, lumakad na siya patungo sa pinto, tumingin na muna siya sa akin bago lumabas.
Now, i feel so alone. Fuck! dapat hindi ko to nararamdaman, ganito din dati eh. The times when my depression is always eating me up. It all started when my tatay died. My tatay is my everything. And to know that he died already, i can't accept it. Bata pako non. I'm so attached with my dad kaya ang hirap tanggapin. And then at the age of 6, i experienced depression. I badly want to kill myself that time dahil gusto ko ng sumunod sa tatay ko. I miss him. That's why my nanay decided na ipa doctor nako. I was rehabbed with such a young age. I suffered too much at the age of 6. I was rehabbed at nag pa therapy para mawala ang depression ko at para makontrol ang emotions ko.
That's why 10 years, since the day i got rehabbed. I'm a calm and jolly person. Oo nagmumura ako, pero that is normal for me. Hindi lalabas ang sakit na matagal ko ng kinalimutan pag hindi todo emotion ang nilalabas ako. But now, galit na galit ako! How could that witch do such thing? Oh, shes a demonic slut afterall. I want to kill her and let her rott in hell! She belongs there! She fucking belong there!
Hindi ko gustong bumangon sa kama at gusto ko nalang na umiyak ng umiyak. But i need to fucking stand up dahil kanina pa may kumakatok sa pinto. Punyeta!
"What?!" i hissed. Gulat na napatingin sa akin si Luna, classmate ko. Who wouldn't be surprised? Sabog na mukha ang magwewelcome sayo. But i don't mind at all. Kung makikita niyo ang mukha ko, i look like a fucking heartbroken girl, but im beyond broken. Im fucking ruined!
"P-pinapapunta ka sa f-faculty. L-lumabas na ang results" I nodded and smashed the door. I don't want to go anyway. I don't give a fuck kung sino man ang manalo.
I reached for my phone na nasa study table, it was Sir Mark. And he wants to talk me ASAP? What is happening? Masama ang kutob ko kung bakit ako gustong makausap ng prof ko. Did I win? pero bakit iba ang nararamdaman ko?
I walked towards the bathroom. I have no choice but to go. I can sense that this would be a serious topic. And im fycking nervous.
When Im satisfied with my look, I stormed out the room. Pagbaba ko ng hagdan ng Girl's building ay ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko. And hell! why is everyone looking at me? As if they're judging my whole personality. Well, always naman ganon pero iba ngayon eh. The way they look at me, is the way i look at myself knowing that someone almost raped me.
Nakarating ako sa office na nandon padin ang klaseng tingin nila sa akin na mula pa kanina. I knocked at the door before coming in. Everyone stopped on what they were doing when I entered the office, and what's worse? they look at me like how those students look at me earlier.
"Miss Angeles"
Sir Mark acknowledge my presence, and with that, parang bumalik ang katinoan ng faculty at nawala na ang mapanghusga nilang mga tingin.
What the hell is happening?
I looke at Sir Mark with too much curiosity visible on my face. He sighed and looked at me directly at the eyes.
"We'll talk with the principal"
At doon na ako kinabahan ng bongga. Why the fuck would the principal wants to talk to me?! This isn't really good.
"Gooafternoon Miss Principal" agad na tumingin saamin ang isang middle-aged woman. Hindi pa kasi nakikita ng mga students ang aming.pinakamamahal na principal. Unless if we're talking about something serious here. Something serious? Gosh! kinakabahan talaga ako.
"Miss Angeles" the way she says my last name, mas kinabahan ako ng husto. What the hell?
"You won for President" she said. So? ganon siya kagalak na ako.nanalo? or ganito talaga siya.pag may nananalo bilang student council president? Whatever the answer is. I still don't care.
"And we-- IM planning to kick you out" she says as she look deeply at Sir Mark's eyes. Wait! Kick out? Fuck! Hindi pa nga ako nakakasilbi, kick out agad? tngina.
"What? and why Miss principal?" gulat na gulat kong tanong.
"I will be kicking you out, not just as president but also, as a student here in this school." Tangina! ano bang problema nila sa akin? Tss. I was so devastated kanina, and now, this shitty news? What could be worse?
"Tell me why!" i can't help but to volume my voice a little. Nagagalit ako dahil nagpapakasuspense pa sila! At nagagalit ako dahil kinakabahan ako. At nagagalit ako dahil feeling ko, konektado to sa kung anong muntik ng nangyari sakin. Damn it!
"We don't want a student with a sex video in our school, Miss Angeles"
