Just A Ghost

17

"She's my wife!"

"We can't let you in. I'm sorry sir."

"At least tell me how she is? Will she make it?"

"Sir I can not tell you that."

"Fuck that!"

"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No! Let me in!"

I could feel my heartbeat in my head. I rolled over and opened my eyes. My vision was blurry and refused to clear. I watched as Kevin attempted to fight his way past a nurse.

"She's up." He shouted and almost shoved her out of the way. "Maria." He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"Wha-wh-where's Alix?' My mouth was dry as sand.

"He's fine, he has a concussion that's all."

"What about-" I looked to my stomach. Maybe it was just the angle but my stomach looked flatter, almost natural. "Her?"

"She?" Kevin looked down at the floor. "She didn't make it."

Part of me wanted to cry and part of me wanted to rejoice. She was my daughter, and now she was gone, never to be born, never to laugh, never to walk, never to say mommy and daddy. But now Kevin would never need to know that he wasn't the daddy.

"It's okay though." Kevin took my hand and smiled. "We'll just try again."

"How do I look?"

"Shitty." He smirked. "Bloody head and probably in your hair too I can't tell."

"Am I okay?"

"You might be paralyzed" A doctor said from the doorway.

"What?" Kevin, the nurse and I all shouted at once.

"I'm kidding." He stepped into the room. "I'm doctor Griggs." He held his hand out to me and I slowly held mine out as well. "See as good as ever." He smiled. "Your labs check out, no drugs or alcohol in your system. I'm sorry about your child." He sat on the bottom of the bed. "Will you tell me what happened on the road please?"

"The tires slide, I was just driving and lost control." I lied.

"That's what the passenger said as well. Thank you Mrs. McCullough." I wasn't used to that name. "Keep the head bandaged for a few days, you're free to leave however."

Kevin helped me from the bed and I filled out the paperwork required to actually leave. The nurse took out the IV from my arm and handed me an ice pack. "It's gonna hurt once you stand up."

She was right. I had to grab onto Kevin to keep myself from fainting. My head felt like the entire skull was on fire and about to explode. He helped me out and down to his car. As we climbed in he started the engine and turned off the radio. The car was silent.

"Alix told me" he said.

"What?" I held the ice pack to my head and leaned against the window.

"About you." He began to drive.

"Please elaborate."

"Him walking in on you and Bryan making out, which at the time was fine I guess we weren't married or engaged or anything. He told me he made you do things so he wouldn't tell me, which again understandable at the time." He kept his eyes on the road. "He told me how you two had sex a few months after our engagement. He told me the child was his."

The car was full of heavy silence. "It's true." I said at last.

"I'm not mad." He said but I didn't believe him. "Maria, I'm not. You didn't need to try to kill yourself."

"He tell you that too?"

"No, I just knew, when I got the call, I- Maria I thought you died."

"I'm sorry."

"Maria, you can tell me anything. Really you can, I love you Maria. And that will never change. I fell in love win you when you were in pain and dispare, why would I ever stop loving you?" A smile crept on the corner of his lips.

"What?" I asked, almost afraid.

"Just thinking about when I met you."

"You mean when I tried to kill myself at your concert?"

"There was a reason for that, I mean look where it got us." He said happily.

"Look where it got us." I repeated in sadness.

"Maria-"

"Kevin I am horrible. I have a horrible past and I-"

"That doesn't mean it has to effect our future." He pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face me. "Forget the past, forget who we were, forget what we've done. We are no longer those people."

I leaned over to him and rested my head in his chest. "I'm sorry." tears collected in my eyes.

"You don't need to be sorry, you never need to be sorry."

"I fucked up big time, and I only think of myself and-"

"Shhh. Baby please. I love you." He wrapped his arms around me and cradled me as I cried. His hands brushed through my hair and his lips repeatedly kissed my forehead.

"I was just a fan." I sobbed. "Just a ghost."

"You are so much more than that."