Locked in Love

The Letter

      It's August 3. Months after the accident, the funeral. I haven't been very well. I've put Eli through so much since it happened. I just want to get well again. I want to move on like I moved on from Josh's death, but I can't. I can't without Colton being here to get me through it.

      As I lay in my bed, I look over at the night stand. There on the top sits the envelope Colton gave me moments before he died. It has sat lonely there for hours. Usually at night, I'd clutch it close to me, but I never had the nerve to read it. I think I am finally ready to take a leap and read what words my love left for me.

"Avery,

         I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this sooner, and I'm sure right now isn't what you want to be reading. The accident isn't entirely Levi's fault. For the past nine years, I've been living with a stomach condition. I have a very weak, very tender stomach. That's why I'm not able to play football or soccer and I stick with baseball. Me drinking beer, it hasn't helped at all. If anything, I've made it a hundred times worse. So I put more blame on myself than I do anyone else. 

          Over the last couple of years, before I met you, periodically, I would have spells where I would start coughing and everything like this night, would happen. It never ever reached as bad as tonight did. The doctors woke me up, and they told me I only had a few minutes. One hour at the top. I told Eli. He called my mom. And I spoke to her. I talked to Eli for a little bit. And then he left to find you. I guess it took him long enough to find you, because I'm sitting here writing this letter to you. When I see you, I know that I'll die happy. Becuase you're the last beautiful thing I see. 

         I'm going to go all out in this letter. I'm going to tell you everything I have ever felt for you. Avery, from the moment I saw you, I loved you. I have always loved you. From the moment Eli almost hit you on the boardwalk with his bike, I loved you. You've always been so beautiful to me. I couldn't help but tow you away from Levi that night on the beach. Just knowing the fact that you had anything to do with him, my ex-friend, it killed me, Avery. You can say it's weird, but we weren't together, but you were already mine. You've been mine ever since you stepped foot in Baker.

         I'm so in love with you, Avery. I'll always be in love with you. You're the first girl that I have ever truely been in love with. And it's really a great feeling knowing that I'll never have to look at a girl again like the way I look at you. When I take my last breath, I want to be looking at your beautiful face because I want it to be the final thing I see when I leave this terrible place. I know this isn't what you want to hear, me leaving, but it's bound to happen. I hate that I didn't meet you sooner, so we could have had a longer time together, but I can't control that.

        I honest to God wish I would have had you by my side for the last 19 years old my life. I've never met a more imperfectly perfect person. Someone who is so beautiful inside and out. Who is the most realest girl I have ever laid eyes on. You are everything that I have ever looked for in a girl and so much more. I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me over the time I've known you. I'll never be able to thank you enough or make it up to you. I hope that I've given you happiness though.

      I know that I've caused you a lot of pain. I just really want to apologize for the whole Shay thing. That was so immature of me and I don't know why I did it. I didn't know you when I met her. I thought I was in love with her, but I was wrong. I never realized how in love I was with you until that moment. I knew right then and there that I was so madly in love with you. I had to make everything okay with you, too. I couldn't live with myself, but it took a lot of work. I'm glad I did though.

      I know I've been so selfish. I know that I should have let you walk out of my life. Or I should have told you that I was dying, but I couldn't. I wanted to spend the rest of my life to the fullest, happy with you. I knew that if you knew, you'd make me settle down. But what you need to know is that I've come to grips with the fact I am going to die. I accept it and it's okay. I want you to accept it also. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be okay. I don't want you to live your life thinking about what could have been. There's nothing you could have done. So I want you to be happy. Not with some random guy. With somone I know will be good to you.

     Avery, I want you to be with Eli. He's who loves you with all his heart. I've seen the way he looks at you. I trust him with you and I always will. So please, love him back. But if you don't, I understand, just let him be in your life and maybe, maybe you'll find that love you had for him one day. You'll be safe in his arms while I'm not here.

    Just remember, I'm always by your side, Avery. I love you so much and I'm going to miss you. Don't worry about me though. I'm doing so much better now. Remember, you're my first true love and you'll always have the position and no one will ever take your spot. I love you....always and forever.....

                                                                                    with so much love and care,

                                                                                                       Colton Evans"

        And in that moment, I knew I'd never love again....