If you want to console me halfheartedly, just walk by Don't judge me for being without love Don't cry for me any more than you do now It's not about eating dinner alone It's about love and what's after that Sometimes we make mean faces and choose harsh words Hurt one another deliberately Then we become strangers -
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- Not having Jimin around was strange at first. It almost felt like he was missing a counterpart in his own story. Hell, he practically was, after three years. There was nobody there when he returned home, and the silence that filled the apartment was almost maddening. Namjoon never knew that he'd have such a hard time sleeping alone. On the nights that he stayed up — scribbling random words into his notebook — it was hard to turn towards the bed and see no one sleeping there.
The silence gave him room to fill with his own thoughts; which become scarier without anyone to overtake them. He found himself spacing off often, and wondering where things had gone wrong. They hardly argued, until recently. Jimin was at home more often than not. Where did he find the time to meet other people? Namjoon didn't want to think about it. Still, he couldn't help it. But he never cried after the first day.
Days started to blur together until they became weeks, and then months. The first month that passed by, stung the most. It might have been because their four year anniversary was only a few days shy of the incident. Could they have made it if Namjoon never found out? And if he did, after the day, would he be worse than he was now?
He returned the small set of matching rings; but the thousands of won back into his pocket didn't feel like he got anything back.
-
During the second month, he decided that he'd have to cope in a different way. Not showering and moping around wasn't all to much of an appeal to anybody who might ease his pain; according to Yoongi. Namjoon had no intention to find anyone else, but he couldn't tell his friend that. How pathetic would it seem, for everyone else when they realized that he had dreams with someone who never dreamed him; never even thought of him, when he was awake.
Namjoon didn't want to seem pathetic to the only other people that mattered to him; because the one who'd meant the most, had obviously created the older males image in that light. On the first week of the second month, he managed to clean himself up. Showering and shaving was the easiest part. But he wanted more; he wanted every trace of Jimin to be only a memory. It stung less if he could pretend that it was not his reality.
He spent the second week clearing their photos out from the walls. He didn't have the heart to throw them away, though, and kept them boxed underneath his bed. It felt weird to refer to everything as solely his own, now. The words 'us' and 'ours' didn't exist to him anymore. The next step was throwing away Jimin's body wash and shampoo; which he'd used on accident, and almost cried when the familiar strawberry scent reached him. The sheets had to go, too. If he rolled too much to the right, the smell invaded his senses. On the unlucky days, when he was too sleepy, he made the mistake of thinking that Jimin was actually there.
-
And then, during the third week of the second month, he met Hoseok. The other was a barista at a coffee shop an hour away from Namjoon's apartment. He'd taken up to driving away from any possible places that he'd visited with his ex. Jimin was almost completely gone from his life, and that stung. If it took him two months to get over four years; how shortly did Jimin throw him away?
"Good morning!" The smiley man behind the counter greeted. "What can I get you today?"
"uhh.. Can I get a plain coffee, actually?"
Americano was Jimin's favorite.
"No problem! Can I get a name? For the cup, of course." The man — Hoseok, according to his name tag — asked, still smiling as brightly as ever.
"Namjoon."
"Alright, Namjoon. I'll call out your name when it's done." Hoseok promised, already moving away from the counter.
"Wait! How much is it?" Namjoon asked, holding up a small wad of cash.
"Don't worry about it. It's on the house."
The others wink left him flustered for his next three repetitive visits.
-
On the fourth week, Hoseok asked Namjoon out. He was hesitant to say yes, and it sucked that even after everything, it still felt like he was cheating.
"Is there someone else?" Hoseok asked, smile faltering a little.
"No. No, there's no one else. And yes, I'd like to go out with you."
Anything to get that smile back.
-
Their date wasn't anything spectacular, but Namjoon preferred that. Hoseok took him to an art museum, and let him geek out over every single picture. He continued to talk about it on the ride to the ice cream shop, and even on the way home. Most importantly, Hoseok's smile didn't falter when he ranted or when he excitedly recalled the things they'd both seen.
And when Hoseok let him out of the car, going as far as to open the door for him, Namjoon could almost kiss him. Almost. Except his hand instinctively pressed against Hoseok's chest, and the other man didn't falter when he redirected his kiss to Namjoon's forehead, ducking his head down to whisper:
"I'm guessing that it's him."
And when he turned around and Jimin's eyes met with his own, Namjoon froze.
"Hyung."
"I'll wait for you, Namjoon. Text me when you're ready."
-
>:) Hoseok is so pure and deserves all of the love in the world. He's willing to wait for my mans joon. Jimin's just out here fucking everything up-
