A Fractured Mind | 민윤기

Twelve

31 May 2018

Part of Jimin's problem was that he expected things to be normal as soon as Yoongi's personalities were integrated. So it was a huge disappointment when Yoongi seemed to be even worse. The personalities were no more, but he would sometimes catch Yoongi muttering to himself to shut up.

His best friend was even more irritable than usual. He'd snap at Jimin over the littlest things and lock himself in his room for hours—sometimes days. When that happened, Jimin called Victoria over in fear that Yoongi wasn't eating. He hoped that her gentle and caring nature would be able to soothe him.

What they got was far from a soothed Yoongi.

Victoria held Jimin's hand reassuringly as she knocked on the door that had been shut for three days. "Yoongi?"

There was no response, so she knocked again. "I know you're in there."

It wasn't the first time he'd called her for this purpose and he anxiously wondered whether or not this was all becoming too much for her. The last thing Jimin wanted was to drive her away. He just couldn't do it alone. Fifteen years of this had worn him to a breaking point. She was the only one who could save them both—and he knew how much pressure that was.

"Noona, what if he passed out or something?" Jimin worried quietly when the older still said nothing from inside the room.

Victoria only looked up at him, chewing on her bottom lip in worry. He could see his own fears reflected in her eyes. Then she turned back to the slab of wood and spoke clearly. "Yoongi, If you don't open this door then we're coming in anyway."

There was movement from inside that made the two look at each other in surprise. Within moments, the door swung open to reveal a seething Yoongi. He was in only boxers, scowling at his friends, hair messed up as if he hadn't left his bed for days. He was also skinnier than usual. Yes, Yoongi had a naturally thin frame, but he was verging on unhealthy. He looked like Jimin when the younger was at his worst with his eating disorder.

Nowadays, he was doing much better. It was still a struggle to get him to eat multiple times a day, but Victoria made sure he did.

Victoria grimaced as she realized she could see the faint outline of Yoongi's ribs. "What the hell do you want?" he growled.

"Hyung—" Jimin began, eyes wide in horror. "What are you doing to yourself?" He reached for the older, but Yoongi pulled away violently.

Victoria sighed and stepped back. "Let's just talk in the living room."

"As you wish, princess," Yoongi mocked as he passed her with the most disdainful look she'd ever seen. It pierced her, leaving a painful searing in her chest. But she shook it off. She knew he was just hurting. He needed them now more than ever.

Jimin trailed behind the two as they ventured to the living room. Yoongi stood in front of the couch, but he didn't sit. Upon seeing this, Victoria decided to stay standing as well, and so did the youngest.

"Yoongi," she started softly. "I know you're in pain right now. I know it seems like the world is awful and nothing's ever going to get better. But you have to understand that even though those horrible things happened to you, it's all about perspective. You can choose to see the bright side—"

"The bright side?" Yoongi said in disbelief. "Are you seriously telling me to look on the bright side?" He laughed bitterly before continuing, not letting her explain herself. "Let me tell you something, cupcake. There is no bright side. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no silver lining." He ventured closer to her, fear radiating from him in waves so strong that it almost knocked the other two over. "There is only this hell on earth and an inevitably slow wait for the sweet release of death."

But why is he afraid, she wondered silently.

Victoria sighed. "You know that's not what I meant. Everything that's happened to you has given you strength. It's also proved how intelligent you are!" He eyes her warily as she came closer. "You were in unimaginable amounts of pain, and to deal with that, your mind came up with ways to compartmentalize different parts of yourself so you wouldn't have to feel it. That's how incredible your brain is, Yoonie."

She reached her hand out to take his, but he pulled away. "Don't fucking touch me." He stared at the both of them harshly. "Neither of you will ever understand. Just leave me alone and get the fuck out. I don't need either of you."

They all knew that it was Jimin's apartment, but the youngest was too hurt to retaliate with anything but angry tears. He'd sacrificed so much for Yoongi, but all he got in return was more stress and abusive words on top of it. Jimin clenched his fists, frustrated that his anger and hurt was coming out in the form of crying.

"Fine," he croaked. "Waste away in here for all I care!"

As Jimin stormed out, Victoria could only stand there. She didn't know whether to talk Yoongi down or go comfort Jimin. But as she stared at the broken man in front of her who showed no signs of budging, she wondered if it was possible to talk him down at that point.

Six years of training had done nothing to prepare her for this. But ultimately, she chose to share one last silent look with Yoongi before she left to chase down Jimin. If Yoongi wanted to be alone, then she would let him—but not forever. Only for a short while so he could realize how much he really did need them, especially Jimin.

Victoria found him weeping into his hands on the stairwell. "Jiminie," she muttered sympathetically before sitting beside him and pulling him into her embrace. He hugged her tightly, letting his tears soak into her shirt.

"What am I gonna do, Tori?" he sobbed, using the nickname that he'd adopted from Suga and Yoonji. Or at that point, just Yoongi. "He's been my whole world forever and now he hates me."

She smoothed a hand over his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Yoongi doesn't hate you, Minnie. He could never hate you. He's just going through a hard time."

"But why won't he let us help him? Can't he see that we care?"

The thought finally occurred to her when he said that. Now it all made sense. "He's afraid of being hurt again." A long sigh left her as Jimin stayed silent. "We're just going to let him be alone for just a week, okay? He needs time to reflect. Until then, you can stay with me, if you want to."

Jimin nodded and pulled her closer as if basically being in her lap wasn't enough.

Victoria just smiled and continued to touch him soothingly and be gentle. Jimin needed to be babied for once. He'd babied Yoongi for so many years and she knew how much he wanted the same thing. He probably would've wanted it more from Yoongi, but she knew that in time, the older would be able to. It would just take time. The whole process would.

They weren't wise to expect immediate results.