A Fractured Mind | 민윤기

Twenty-seven

30 July 2018

"Ji—Jin?"

She could only stare up at the spectacle before her. Her cheeks flushed a deep red at the sight of this man. Her past with him was complicated. It was a wonder that he was so calm and nonchalant. She thought that he would hate her if they ever saw each other again.

It wasn't often that she thought of him, but when she did, it was only a bitter reminder that she could never give her heart to anyone else. That's why she couldn't even think about having a relationship with anyone else. Yet, all she could think about when looking at him was the way his voice wavered that night.

I'm done trying to get you.

Guilt and longing tugged simultaneously at her heart as she stood to walk around the coffee table and stand before him. Seokjin seemed to chuckle at her apprehension before engulfing her in a big hug. She only stayed still for a moment before relaxing in his arms.

"How....why are you here?" she asked as they pulled away.

He smiled down at her and pointed a thumb over his left shoulder. "My fiancee's brother is here and she sent me to come get him." His laugh that she loved seemed to become lost in the sea of bodies around them. "He's way too young to be at a college party."

But Victoria was way too focused on that one word. Fiancee. Jin was engaged. Jin didn't love her anymore. He was getting married to someone else. She had let him slip right through her fingers. What a fucking idiot. "Fiancee?" she asked quietly, smile fading.

Seokjin's smile danced away as well as he sucked in a breath. "Yeah. I finally moved on like you wanted."

And for some reason that killed her. She felt like her lung had been punctured and was slowly deflating, taking any breath that tried to come in or out. Her heart dropped into her stomach. Her eyes stung as tears threatened their way forward. She had learned in her classes that crying was a healthy way to release emotions, but she had to get out of there if she was going to cry.

"Excuse me," she choked out and pushed past him.

The noise of music and people yelling was quickly muted as she struggled to get to the bathroom. Tears were already streaming down her face, though she continuously wiped at the wetness as if that would banish it forever. Colors blended together and eventually the room was spinning. She didn't even know which way was up.

Victoria didn't even realize that she had passed out until she woke up. All of the noise was muffled and all she could see was white. She blinked a few times so that her vision could adjust. She was staring at a ceiling with soft bedding beneath her. Outside, crickets chirped a seemingly melancholy tune that was more audible through the open window that carried it along with a breeze that ruffled the curtains.

She had been in that room before. It was Soonyoung's room. Her trip there had been during one of his first parties that he threw without Hoseok. He was drunk and wanted to give her and a few others a tour of the house, though he ended up stumbling off and passing out in the hallway closet.

"Noona?"

The voice was surprisingly gentle and deep. She knew that voice. She turned her head toward it slowly and realized that it was Taehyung, a friend of Jimin's. He smiled at her reassuringly and squeezed her hand, which she didn't even realize he was holding until just then.

Another voice spoke, but it wasn't as deep and definitely more panicked. "Do you think she's going to be okay?"

She turned her head to the other side to find Jungkook, another friend of Jimin's, staring down at her with a worried look.

Victoria didn't know the boys terribly well, but they had hung out a few times after she met them through Jimin. She had helped Taehyung through his finals jitters, which he then asked for a hug and when she obliged, he said, "We're friends now, okay?"

She knew that he and Jungkook were best friends as the two were rarely seen without the other. But she still questioned why she had even passed out in the first place and how it was so convenient that they were the ones who found her.

Victoria groaned and sat up slowly, appreciative of the way Jungkook and Taehyung both placed a hand on her back to help her. Taehyung's large hand was warm and comforting as it encased her own. She was grateful for the two boys in the room with her. Just their presences made her feel better, and she didn't know if she could've said the same if it was drunk Jimin and pissed Yoongi.

"Are you okay, noona?" Taehyung asked quietly, dipping his head catch her eyes that stared down at her lap.

And for the first time, Victoria found herself unconcerned with burdening people. She always thought that with her psychology training that she could keep her problems to herself and deal with them on her own. But she knew how sweet these boys were and it was clear that they cared about her, especially Taehyung, so she just spilled.

"No, Tae," she said and looked up to meet his gaze. "I'm not okay. I'm sad." She looked away again and sighed. "I'm really sad..."

Jungkook took her other hand, brows furrowed. "Why are you sad?"

"Because, Kookie," she began with a hefty exhale. "I loved someone and I let them go. I ruined what very well could have been my happy ending. And now the guy that I probably should have ended up with is getting married to someone else."

Taehyung's grip tightened on her. "Noona—"

"Boys, if there's any advice you should listen to, let it be this." Victoria took the time to stare deeply into each of their eyes. "When you find someone that you love and who loves you, don't ever let them go. Ever. That whole 'if you love something, let it go'? That's bullshit. Don't you ever let go of someone you love. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

The room fell silent as her eyes burned once more, wetness threatening fall at any moment. So she just let it happen. Small sobs shook her shoulders in the quiet of Soonyoung's room. Jungkook and Taehyung exchanged a sad look before they both sat on either side of her and pressed against her, pulling her into a hug.

Taehyung guided her head to his chest while Jungkook wrapped his arms around her, snuggling his face into her neck. She fisted the fabric of Taehyung's shirt in her hand and continued to cry. It had been a while since she let herself cry like that, much less in the presence of others.

But she wasn't embarrassed or guilty. She was grateful for them. And it was definitely a bonding experience for the three of them. Victoria loved Jimin and Yoongi—they were her best friends. But she truly needed the dynamics of Taehyung and Jungkook at that moment. No other duo could have done it better.