A Fractured Mind | 민윤기

Seven

24 March 2018

Yoongi was bored. It was a Saturday and Jimin had insisted on going back to the dance room even after he was there practically all night. He needed his best friend, and more than that, he needed to stay away from Victoria. After what happened the previous day, he was afraid to face her. He had no idea of what had happened.

Jimin never told him what happened during his blackouts.

He sighed as he laid on the couch and examined the awful butterfly tattoo and other symbols tattooed on his hand and fingers. That blackout almost three years ago was the most severe. Yoongi felt wildly out of touch with reality when he woke up that morning next to a naked stranger.

It wasn't uncommon for him to have multiple blackouts a day, but they usually lasted for hours or sometimes minutes. If he had only one or two that day, it was a blessing. None? A miracle. And a rare one at that.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He groaned, knowing it wasn't anyone he knew. He only knew Jimin. Well, and Victoria, now. However, the thought that it might be her didn't cross his mind until he threw the door open to reveal her petite figure standing in front of him.

"Oh!" She looked up at him in surprise. "Hi, Yoongi."

Yoongi let out a long sigh and gripped the doorframe harder. "Hey," he said through gritted teeth.

"Is Jimin here? He hasn't been answering my calls and I just..." She trailed off once she saw the uninterested look he wore purposefully. "I'm a bit worried."

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, feeling awkward at being around her. "Yeah, well, he's at the dance room again."

"Oh."

An inkling of guilt crept into his heart at how disappointed she sounded. She must have cared about Jimin if she came all the way down to their apartment just to see if he's okay. Yoongi could at least be a little nicer to someone who was looking out for his best friend.

Yoongi knew he couldn't. Not when he was barely there anyway.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," he offered, trying to be more welcoming. "You, um." He stopped and looked back into the apartment. He could invite her in like a normal person and entertain until his roommate arrived, but Yoongi was not a normal person. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, giving her a small smile. "I would invite you in, but—"

The ring of his phone in his pocket cut him off. He fished it out and read the caller ID. "It's Jimin," he muttered before sharing a confused glance with Victoria and answering it. "Hello?"

"Hey," a panicked voice said between breaths. "You're the roommate, right?" It definitely wasn't Jimin.

Yoongi looked at Victoria as anxiety crawled under his skin. "Yeah...why? Where's Jimin?"

"We were just practicing like always and—and—and he didn't look too good so I said 'you should sit down' but he wanted to keep going so we did and he passed out and we're on our way to the hospital right now!"

His breath hitched in his throat. Jimin was going to the hospital. Jimin was sick. Jimin was—He blinked a few times in the chair where he sat. He was looking at white walls in a small and bright room. Great. Another blackout.

He felt something warm in the palm of his own and looked over to see Victoria holding his hand tightly as she gazed toward the other side of the room. Yoongi followed her eyes to see Jimin lying in a hospital bed. His eyes were closed and he was hooked up to a bunch of machines. The sight made Yoongi feel more powerless than his lack of ability to control his blackouts.

"Ji—Jimin!" he cried, pulling his hand away from Victoria's and rushing to the side of Jimin's bed. "What happened?" He placed a hand on Jimin's forehead. His skin felt fine but Yoongi was too afraid to notice. Jimin was still in the hospital. He was still so handsome, even when sick.

How many hours had gone by? He lifted his wrist to check his watch, but a slender hand wrapped around it instead, lowering it. He looked over to see Victoria gazing at him with concern. "Yoongi...what's the last thing you remember?"

He stared back wide-eyed, a different fear taking over. Fear of rejection. He was afraid to be honest with this girl he barely knew. But Jimin seemed to trust her. And if JImin was in the hospital, who else could he rely on?

"Someone..." He paused to swallow hard, still staring at her. " Someone called me on Jimin's phone and—and told me that he passed out."

Her eyes softened sympathetically. She led him back to the chairs and explained what had happened over the past three hours that he didn't remember. Jimin's friend had called JImin's parents and they arrived at the hospital around the same time Yoongi and Victoria got there.

"The doctors said that he's malnourished. He hasn't been eating, but he dances like crazy," she said, gazing back at the sleeping boy.

Yoongi felt his stomach drop. How had he not noticed? Was he really that caught up in his own head that he missed the fact that his best friend was starving himself? When was the last time he'd seen Jimin eat? He only felt worse as he realized that he couldn't remember.

"He was awake a while ago and his parents talked to him but they left," she finished.

He covered his face with his hands. How could he let this happen? He knew Jimin better than anyone, yet he wasn't able to prevent this awful fate.

He felt a comforting hand rub small circles on his back. He knew it was Victoria, as they were the only ones awake in the room. "I have one question," he said into his hands before drawing them away. She kept her hand on his back and peered at him curiously. "Why were we holding hands?"

Victoria only stared at him for a moment longer before sighing and taking her hand away from him. "You said that Jimin is your best friend and he always looks out for you, but that it's hard for you to look out for him." At her pause, Yoongi's eyes widened. Did he spew truth during his blackouts? "You said you needed someone to look out for the both of you and balance you out." She stopped after that, eyes landing back on Jimin. He waited for her to say more, but she didn't.

And she didn't need to. Yoongi understood.

Only hours ago he felt awkward in her presence, but that was gone now. He needed support to get through this hard time with Jimin. Maybe it was his fear of being left alone that possessed him to reach out and take her hand again. Maybe it was her comforting and caring nature.

At the sudden contact, she looked back at him in pleasant surprise. She smiled softly. "You know, Yoongi, I'm a psych major. I may be able to help with your lost memories."

"They're not really lost memories," he began quietly. "I just...it's like there's parts of my brain missing. One moment I'm standing in my apartment and the next I'm sitting here with you."

Victoria rubbed his knuckles with her thumb reassuringly. "Do you experience this often?"

He nodded, staring down at the tile floor. "A few times a day. Though they normally only last for minutes or hours."

"Tell me more about these occurrences."

"One time," he started before pausing to take a deep breath. "One time I came out of a blackout and I was—two—two years older."

She squinted at him. "Did anything significant happen around that time?"

"Yeah," he admitted, meeting her eyes. "It was around the time that my parents died." Feeling so vulnerable was new to him. He didn't even open up to Jimin—mostly because he didn't have to. "But—but you'd be better off talking to my therapist," he retracted. "She knows more about it than I do."

It was silent until she leaned in close to catch his gaze again. "Yoongi, I'm going to get you through this. And I'm gonna get Jimin through this. Neither of you has to feel like you're on your own, okay? I'm here to help you guys. I want to help you guys. I just need you to let me."

Yoongi nodded, feeling small under her stare. The only thing he could see in her eyes was concern and care—maybe even love. That's exactly what he and Jimin needed. They were falling apart at the seams and needed someone to sew them back up. Maybe she could be that someone. That's what he hoped at least.