A Fractured Mind | 민윤기

Thirteen

1 June 2018

To say that Vernon was shocked when his older sister came home the previous night with a sobbing Jimin would be an understatement. Judging from his handsome face that was stained with tears, he had been crying for a while. The twenty-year-old only watched in confusion as Victoria led him to her room.

With an apologetic look, she swore in English that she'd explain later before closing her door. The thought crossed his mind that within seconds, he'd hear moaning and the bed creaking. But then he remembered that Jimin was crying. Nobody wants to have sex when they're that upset.

So he continued watching comedy movies on the few English channels they got—which they had to pay an arm and a leg for. He tried to keep his immature giggles to a minimum so as not to ruin whatever psychological voodoo magic his sister was working on the sad man in her room.

It wasn't until around eleven in the evening that he got a text from her telling him to come into her room. He turned the knob apprehensively and entered, not knowing what to expect once he was in. Turned out that his worries were for nothing.

Victoria was sitting up in her bed with Jimin's head resting on her stomach. His eyes were closed, full lips parted slightly. His arm was wrapped around her upper thighs, hand resting on her hip as if he'd been holding onto it before he drifted off. Vernon had always liked girls, but even he could admit that Jimin was effortlessly beautiful.

He knew his sister felt the same way as she gazed upon him lovingly, one arm wrapped around his shoulder while the other was kept close to her chest as she traced invisible patterns on his face.

"He just fell asleep," she whispered as Vernon pulled her desk chair over to the side of the bed so he could sit.

He watched them for a moment longer before knitting his eyebrows. "Noona, what happened?"

"There are some things I've been keeping from you, Nonnie," she admitted, finally meeting his eyes.

Vernon was no idiot. He knew that there were secrets she had been keeping. She was rarely around the house anymore. She would be gone all day and sometimes wouldn't come home for days at a time and just say that she was at a friends house. Recently she'd been around slightly more. She would actually sleep at home, even though she got there late, sometimes into the wee hours of the night.

He was beginning to wonder if she had secretly married Jimin or his friend Yoongi that he'd heard about in passing on the rare occasions she was around. But he silenced his suspicions as she revealed the answer.

"I wasn't lying when I said that I was staying at a friends house. I've been spending most of my time at Jimin and Yoongi's place. And it's not because I'm dating either one of them." The suspense seemed to grow with each word she said. He found himself leaning forward, listening intently. "Yoongi has—or had—dissociative personality disorder. In other words, he suffered unimaginable trauma as a child. In order to deal with the pain, his mind compartmentalized different parts of him so he wouldn't have to feel the pain. These were manifested in the form of other personalities. When they took over, Yoongi couldn't remember anything that happened."

Victoria paused and stared down at Jimin again. "Anyway, I've been helping them during the process of his therapy and all. Finally, we both went to the session where his personalities were integrated a few weeks ago—"

"Is that why you were gone all day on your birthday?" he wondered out loud. She nodded. "You really care about these guys, don't you?"

His sister nodded once more, stroking Jimin's shoulder soothingly. "Very much. Jimin's been dealing with Yoongi's personalities for a very long time. Now that Yoongi is being forced to face himself, he's lashing out. All Jimin ever did was love the shit out of Yoongi. I haven't been around for nearly as long, but I sacrificed some for Yoongi, too. Although I only have a taste of the betrayal that he feels, I know he's in a lot of pain over it."

Vernon stayed silent as he watched her pour herself into Jimin. He knew she must be hurt as well, but Victoria always put others before herself. Just as Jimin had always put Yoongi before himself. He knew his sister had an amazing gift. It was the ability to love wholly and unconditionally. Though he wondered if she ever felt empty because she gave so much.

Maybe these guys could fill the emptiness.

As much as he wanted to help his sister, he couldn't give her the kind of love she needed. He could only give his brotherly love, which he did as much as possible.

"Jimin's going to stay with us for a bit." She looked up to gaze apologetically once more at her little brother, the moonlight filtering in on her face to wash it in a pale blue light. "Just a week. He needs to feel normal for once."

Vernon smiled at the two. He admired his sister's caring nature. He truly looked up to her and wanted to be like that. "He can stay for as long as he needs to."

Victoria seemed touched by this because she gave him a genuine smile and caressed his cheek. "You're becoming a wonderful man, Vernon. It feels like just yesterday you were thirteen and begging me not to go off to college."

"Who knew you'd still be here when it was my turn?" he joked, prompting a pinch from her.

"Hey, I'm graduating in August, punk. Then you'll have this whole apartment to yourself."

He faltered. The thought of not living with his sister anymore pained him. But it was still months away. He didn't have to think about it then. "Alright. I'm gonna hit the sack. Night, sis."

"Night, bro."

But that was the previous night. And now, Vernon was watching in wonder as Victoria lightly pushed Jimin out of her room. He was hanging his head, eyes still puffy from the amount of tears he'd cried. Vernon leaned on the kitchen island, sipping on some apple juice. He didn't have any classes that day and would normally be sleeping if Soonyoung wasn't coming to take him and Seungkwan shopping for the party he was co-hosting in a week or two.

"Can't we just stay here?" Jimin mumbled miserably. "I'm too sad to go to class today."

Victoria took his face in her hands and looked up at him. "I know things are hard right now, but life doesn't stop. You have to keep moving forward, Minnie."

He only nodded as she pushed his hair back with one of her hands. "Will you walk me to my first class?" he asked quietly, probably aware of Vernon's presence because his cheeks pinked slightly when he said that

"Of course." She smiled and took his hand in her own before calling to her brother. "I'll see you later, Vernon. Don't let Soonyoung pressure you into doing drugs!"

He chuckled as they left. "He's been clean for a week, Vic!"

Vernon sighed. His sister was a saint in his eyes. But then the thought occurred to him that she would probably give Jimin some of his clothes. Damn.