Flawsome ✔

Chapter 23 - Leaping

Thursday, January 19th, 2017

I watch as Dr. Delgado rummages through a cabinet to find my files. He seems unfocused and I totally understand why. It's a miracle in itself he agreed to see me today. It's only been a week and a half since Calo attempted suicide and as far as Seino keeps me up to date, he is now in a mental facility where he is monitored 24/7.

And he's not doing great at all. He's no longer having an episode, but he's not the regular cheerful person he is in between his episodes.

"Can't we just sit without the file?" I suggest, as he obviously isn't capable of locating it right now.

He turns around to look at me, as if he's in deep thought.

"I just want to talk... not make steps. I'm not in the right mindset to find ways to get rid of the compulsions."

"Okay, just talk." He nods and sits down with an empty piece of paper and a notebook. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"I..." I take in a deep breath, now nervous all of the sudden. "Calo."

Dr. Delgado visibly swallows, visibly already getting a bit emotional. "I don't think I'm the right person to talk..."

"You are." I cut his objection short. "You know him, and you know me. But there's something I think you don't know and that's exactly what's bothering me."

He seems doubtful, even biting his lip nervously. He's a mess, I can tell. There's a reason I had to see him at his own house instead of his regular office; he's not working at the moment. "Your parents told me things are getting worse with you. That's why I agreed to see you right now. But you have to understand that I can't discuss my own son with you."

"Then discuss my best friend with me." I close my eyes shortly, simply because I don't have the courage to look at him as I prepare myself to tell him what's going on. "Tell me how to deal with the feelings I have for my best friend. Because I can't... I don't know... I've never fell in love before. And he's a guy..."

"You're in love with Calo," he repeats my words, obviously surprised by my revelations. But he didn't sound disgusted or as if it's wrong. "Is that what is bothering you? The fact you think you're homosexual?"

I nod and open my eyes to look at him. "I don't care about him being a guy. I don't care about being gay or whatever. It's that I have these feelings and I feel all giddy and happy when I'm with him. But they're unanswered and now he doesn't even want to see me anymore and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel empty, I feel defeated, depressed. I don't want to do anything because if he's not my friend, then I'm back to being alone and I can't be alone anymore."

"Did Calo tell you he doesn't like you? Or is it the fact Calo doesn't accept his own sexuality?"

And that statement surprises me, causing my jaw to drop slightly.

"I know my son is struggling because he's gay and he thinks it's wrong. He is my son. Parents know such things."

"I don't think my parents know about me."

"If they saw you and Calo together, I think they know."

"Why is that?"

"Because that's how I knew for sure about Calo. Which is why I wonder if he told you your feelings aren't mutual."

"He told me it's wrong and I should fight them."

"I can't help but wonder if it's the reason you two ended up fighting during Christmas break."

"It is, yes. I told him if he couldn't accept that part in me, I didn't want to be friends anymore. But that pushed him over the edge, huh? I let him down and he needed me, but I acted cold..."