Flawsome ✔

Chapter 2 - Defining the name

Monday, November 7th, 2016

I'm curled up in bed, trying to hide myself from the world.

Not that anyone is here to see me.

Not that anyone cares to look at me.

They don't want to look at a freak like me.

I fuck up everything anyway, so it's best to stay away from me as far as possible. I fucked up the one day that had to be flawless, all because Luke and Jimmy just had to pick today to step up their game a bit, taunting me by using my habits against me. Most of the days, they resolve in laughing at me, calling me names. Some days, they decide to provoke my panic-attacks and I hate them for picking this day.

To make matters worse, mom and dad sat me down when dad got back from hospital, telling me that Pyper has to stay over for treatment.

Pyper is fighting an autoimmune disease, shortly called Lupus. It developed early and two years ago, a butterfly-shaped rash on her face was reason for concern when mom first took her to a doctor.

Nowadays, it's mostly her lungs that suffer from the disease, causing acute Pneumonitis, which then causes scarring on her lungs.

I can't help but feel like my shitty day, my lack of executing things the right way, caused the bad outcome of the tests they ran to see if medication was helping her in any way.

Then again, I would have been able to do things the right way, if Luke, Jimmy and Calo would've left me alone today.

If Mrs. Tilly would've listened to me.

If the principal wouldn't have told me that I have detention on Friday, despite my mom trying to talk him out of it.

Bad behaviour needs to be corrected, according to principal Jerkhead Jameson.

I didn't come up with that name, Jimmy did.

"Neo, sweety?" Mom's voice sounds in a whisper behind me. "You have to eat something."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do, sweety."

"I'm not leaving my bed."

"Do you want me to bring it –"

"God no!" I call out in fear. The mere thought of having food in my bed freaks me out. "No, no, just leave. I'm fine."

"No, honey, you're obviously not." She pulls away the cover, instantly meeting my tearstained face with her sad eyes. "I don't want you to ever, for a second, think that Pyper's health issues have anything to do with your bad days." She moves to touch me, but one frightened look is enough to stop her hand mid-air.

"It is my fault mom!" I cry out. "I couldn't do anything right and now look at what happened! It's all my fault." I grab hold of my hair, pulling it painfully hard as to sort of punish myself. "I hate myself. I hate it, I hate it..."

"Neo! Stop it." Mom grabs my wrists, forcing me to let go of my hair. "It's not your fault. The tests had been done two weeks ago, the outcomes don't have anything to do with what happens to you."

"But it's true, mom! I haven't had such a bad day in weeks. One bad day, once failing to do literally anything right, and all hell breaks loose."

Mom shakes her head, cupping my face. "It's getting worse again, isn't it? Tell me the truth."

"It's not worse..."

"Neo?"

"Maybe a bit..."