Flawsome ✔

Chapter 26 - Carson Waters

Tuesday, January 31st, 2017

I bravely decided to take the bike to meet up with Dr. Delgado after school. He's back at work now that Calo is doing a bit better and I had a new appointment with him right after school. I just had enough time to pick up my bike.

But, point is, I want to be a little more independent. I want to be able to get from a, to b, by myself.

I want to be able to decide on going out and go out without mom having to change her entire schedule to drop me off and pick me up again.

Worst case scenario would mean that I had to call her to come and pick me up anyway.

But I somehow managed to get there pretty fast, I didn't freak out and I only slightly felt restless once I arrived. I spoke to Dr. Delgado about the persistent need to execute my compulsions, and how I sometimes feel like giving up. And I hate how I can't tell him it's his very own son who keeps me from actually giving up. That being with him, having him as my boyfriend, helps me to get through the toughest of days.

I told him how Luke apologized to me yesterday, and how my day had been pretty much 'normal' after that. People still laugh at me for my compulsions, but as soon as they noticed Luke left me to my own business without insulting or bullying me, they kind of started ignoring me again.

And I don't know what feels worse; being bullied for it, or nobody responding to me in any way. Nobody willing to sit with me during class, a handful of people keeping me company during lunch – but mostly because they're friends with either Pyper or Angela.

During class, I now feel as if I don't exist at all.

There's nobody paying me even the slightest attention.

I spilled all of it out to Dr. Delgado, and we again decided on fighting the compulsions one by one. Starting with going back with dressing myself instead of having Pyper picking my outfits.

I'm no longer allowed to let her help me. I have to conquer my closet as from tomorrow.

He did tell me it wouldn't be a problem to ask mom and Pyper to clean my closet up a bit, so I wouldn't freeze again because the colours aren't in the right order.

And then I had to head home by bike again. I'm riding through the park towards home, when another biker overtakes me. I yelp in surprise since I was in my own world, trying to get through this safely, as soon as he kicks my bike and cause me to lose control. I'm whimpering, holding my sore hand up, watching it bleed in several spots. There's a nasty cut on the top of my palm and there's already a bruise forming.

I look up to see who would do this to me, not even that surprised to find Jimmy with a smug grin on his face, staring down at me.

"Woops, didn't see you there," he mockingly lies to me. "But now that we're here anyway..." He throws his bike aside, taking in our surroundings to make sure there's nobody here to intervein.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at a boarding school?"

"Next week." He shrugs. "Which is what brings us to the next problem," he leans over, grabs my collar and pulls me up swiftly. "Because it's your fault I'll be going there in the first place."

"If you would've left me..."

"Shut up, freak," he snaps, his face close to mine. "Because of you, I lost my best friend, my parents hate me, I'm shipped away to that stupid nerdy boarding school. And you damn well know you deserved every bit of it. You area freak, you shouldn't even be allowed to live a normal life. They should lock you away..."

"Stop it!" I cry out, not wanting to ever hear any of those words ever again.

A person can only take so much before they will believe those words.