Stick to the Shadows (HxH)

23: Tears

Rilluma's P.O.V

They gathered around me, as I began to tell my story. Gon was on my right and Killua was on my left. Kurapika was standing in the background and Leorio was sitting in an armchair across from me.

I told them bits and pieces of the story. All about the old habit I had of eating my kills, and some of the pros and cons of being an assassin. By the time that had happened, we only a few hours left until we got to go, which everyone passed by with reading and sleeping. I couldn't sleep though I was pretty tired. All I could think about was where those pills could have gone. If Killua didn't take them then who did? That's when I remembered Hisoka.

Hisoka had smelled heavily of Illumi, and it was fresh. Now that I think about it, Illumi's scent has been littering each exam. Ever so often I would catch a wift of him. What in the hell does Illumi have in mind? First I had the needle implanted to control my heinous acts, but now he was making me hurt my friends and fight enemies. This entire situation is just killing me.

"Are you okay Rill?" Killua asked looking down at me.

"Totally fine." I mumbled with an eye roll. He took a seat next to me.

"What is bothering you, and dont say its nothing." He told me. I looked over to Kurapika, Tonpa, Leorio,  and Gon. All three were sleeping soundly, which means I could "freely" tell him what was on my mind. I doubt anyone would awaken right now, but at the very least I was going to watch them. I took a deep breath.

"Everything is so confusing. Sure, it's fun doing these phases. . .but it wasn't my decision. These people wouldn't know anything about me if it wasn't for you." I didn't give him a chance to five his opinion before I continued. It just felt so good to let everything out. "I just don't feel like this is a good idea for me. . . I mean, maybe I should be back at home. Just blow off some steam taking out some targets or killing off some animals. You know, go back to normal."

Killua looked down and tightened his hands into fists. Suddenly I felt bad for him. I basically just told him that I don't want to stay out here with him anymore. He brought me along and I decide to go back of my own accord. What kind of sister am I? He heaved in and then let out his breath.

"I know that it's been hard for you Rill. I know that, but we haven't even been away for that long." Killua reminded me. He was right of course, it hadn't been that long since we left the family mountain. It's just that everything around me is strange. Life inside of the Zoldyck estate was simpler. Do your own thing until you get a job, and then take out your target. It was just always easier like that. Pulling my legs to my chest, I answered him.

"I just don't belong here Kill. I'm not capable of living out here." I told him. He shrugged.

"Who would be? After living like us everyone would get anxious coming out here." I looked up to him with red eyes. He seemed surprised but I couldn't help it anymore. All of the emotions swarmed inside of me like a storm. Tears rolled down my face. "Hey. It'll be okay. We've just got to do some extra work." 

After that, I'm not even sure what happened. My imaginary armor that I crafted to keep my heart safe melted away. All I could do cry. I wrapped my arms around Killua's chest and cried into his shirt. He put one hand behind my head and the other on my back. For a minute or two we stayed still, but Killua broke the silence. 

"You know. It's times like this that reminds me how old you actually are. With how mature you act it's hard to tell sometimes." My age doesn't matter. Age has never mattered in the Zoldyck family. If a six year old was as strong as a twenty year old you acted like a twenty year old. There is nothing that an age can do that a skill can't apparently. 

"Hey Killua." I sniffed pulling away from him. 

"What?" Killua replied. 

"Do you ever want to go back? I mean, do you ever miss home?" he looked up to the ceiling. It was a question that has been on my mind for quite some time. Killua has so much fun out here, but he is human. Humans miss there colonies. 

"Well yeah. Even if they aren't the best people they are still my family. Still, I would rather stay out here then go back." My eyes softened. 

"And Alluka, what about her?" his eyes saddened. For a minute he actually looked like he was going to cry. I knew that I had crossed a line that I couldn't get back. I knew he missed Alluka, I knew it killed him to leave her behind. 

"It was hard to leave Alluka behind, but if I tried to bring her along they would have noticed. There was no way I could have brought her along." I nodded. He looked back up at me. "Do you miss Alluka?" It was true that I loved her. It's not like I hated her, but I wasn't nearly as close to her like was Killua was. 

"A little, but it's not like I was aloud very close to her anywhere. She is in solitary." Everyone else avoids her, Killua loves her, and I'm not aloud in. Alluka is the one Zoldyck that is so much different than any other assassin in the family. Not only is she dangerous, but she doesn't go on jobs. 

"Still got a good four hours till we head out. You should probably get some sleep." Killua told me. I nodded and lied back on the couch. Now that I've gotten everything it I finally felt like I could sleep decently. It wasn't long until my eyes closed and sleep crowded my mind. 

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I'm sorry for being gone so long guys. I just got my school computer back for the year so now I can actually type decent. So I apologize, but I want to try and get this book at least to the end of the hunter exam before giving up on it. I doubt I'm going to make it to the end of the actual anime but we will see how I feel. 

Word Count: 1120