Little Marks

25 - Tattoo

March 18th

~Cameron~

These last two days have been some of the worst days in my life. We lost our baby, our little girl. Italy has essentially locked herself in her room, barely coming out. She's been crying constantly, and the sound of it breaks my heart. She has barely eaten too, and it's scaring me. Italy hasn't formed a complete sentence since she left the hospital, she's barely spoken at all. I wish I could just help her feel better. I'm heartbroken as well, but Italy is in distress.

~~~

The buzzing embedded itself in my mind as I laid on my side, wincing in pain slightly. Small swirls and letters sat on my hip in pen, being filled in with a permanent ink. I decided to get a tattoo. One dedicated to Hayden Phoenix. It had her name in a pretty scrawl, with the date we lost her underneath. Around it were swirls, like the flame from a phoenix. I wanted to remember our little girl, and I decided to get this without telling Italy. Everyone else knew, and they supported the idea of putting her in our memory. Everyone pooled in money to help me afford to get it since I wasn't really aware of how expensive it was.

Every once in a while, I glanced down at the progress of the tattoo, and I smiled as it came to life. A few days after Italy and I reconnected, I found a little cut on my hip. I confronted her about it, and she explained when she did it and why it happened. My heart broke when she told me. My stupidity and selfishness caused her to harm herself when I had promised her parents that I would do nothing but protect and love her. Because of that, I decided to get the tattoo over the cut, to hide the sadness that hurt us both.

"Okay, it's all done." The guy doing my tattoo said. I looked down and my heart swelled.

"It's perfect. Thank you so much."

"So who is she?"

"She was my daughter. Unfortunately, we lost her a few days ago." I didn't really want to explain that much. Thankfully, he didn't really ask anything else, just cleaned it off one more time and wrapped it so that it didn't get infected. He gave me instructions on how to care for it as I paid, my smile weak on my face.

Eventually, I left, getting on my motorcycle with a twinge of pain on my right hip. I know it hurts a little, but it's well worth it. I love Italy, and I love our little girl. I want to never forget what happened to our family that night. Going to my house instead of the Lester apartment, I wanted to take a day for my tattoo to heal before showing Italy. That is of course if she doesn't see it on her body first.

"How does it look?" Is the first thing I hear as I go inside, both of my mothers peeking their heads out from the kitchen. I pulled up my shirt and tugged down my shorts and boxers so they could see my hip through the cellophane. "It's gorgeous," Momma says.

"I think she's going to love it." Mom adds on. "Oh, by the way, Nick's here. He's in your room." Nick's been my best friend since I was five, and he's been there for me for everything. I nod and go to my room, smiling at the sight of my best friend sitting on my bed. He was deeply engrossed in a book. He's always been a huge book nerd.

"Hey, dude." I grab my desk chair and sit on it backward, facing him.

"Hey man. You okay? You've been kind of MIA for the last few days." He asks, setting down the book, looking at me. Today he was wearing contacts instead of his huge glasses. I shake my head and he makes the motion for me to explain.

"Umm, well, it's been rough. You know how I had the huge fight with Italy?" He nods. "Well I finally figured my shit out a little over a week ago, and we got back together."

"Okay?"

"Well, we lost the baby a few days ago. It's been really rough for the two of us." I sigh, running my fingers through my unruly hair.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry." I just shrug. "Is there anything we can do?" By we, he meant him and Jackson, the third in our trio. I shrug again.

"I'm not sure. Honestly, I'm just trying to push past this. It's going to take a while though. What the two of us really need is just support. This might have been our only chance to have a fully biological family."

"I'm really sorry, truly. I know you've had it hard, and I just want you to know I'm always here for you bro. We've been there for each other since day one, and that's never going to change." I nod in response.

"So what's up? Why are you here? I know you too well, you have something important in your mind that you can't tell me over the phone."

Nick chuckles. "Damn, I forget that you can read my mind." I laugh, for the first time in a few days. "So umm, you know how Isaac and I have been going steady for three years?" I nod. Isaac is Nick's soulmate, who's a year older than us. "Well, he proposed to me a few days ago." I can see Nick's face heat up as he got giddy.

"Dude I'm so happy for you!" I say genuinely. They've had their fair share of fights, so I'm happy that Isaac put away his pride, which is something he's been struggling with.

"And umm, I was wondering if you, along with Jackson, would be my best men?" His hazel eyes look worried as if I would ever say no.

"Of fucking course! Dude my best friend is getting married why wouldn't I be one of your best men?" Externally, I was ultra happy. Internally, I was still happy don't get me wrong, but I had a pang of jealousy. I know that they matched when they were 15 and 16, but I was still jealous that they were engaged while Italy and I were just getting over a hugely traumatic experience.

~~~

I knocked on the door to the apartment, letting out a shaky breath. Phil opened the door, letting me in. "How is she?" I ask quietly.

"Sleeping. She's started crying less frequently and we managed to get her to have some soup but other than that there's been minimal improvement." I nod. I slip my shoes off and go to her room, sighing at the sight. The love of my life was curled in a ball on her bed, surrounded by tissues from constant crying. I cleaned up a little, throwing the tissues into a bin and straightening up some of the other mess in her room. Crawling into her bed, I laid down, pulling the blankets up around us. Italy must have sensed my presence, because she shifted into me, curling into my torso. My arm wrapped around her and I kissed her forehead.

"Mm, Cam is that you?" Her voice is raspy.

"Shh go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up." I comfort her. She seems to calm down when she hears my voice, a soft smile on her face.

"I love you, Cammy."

"I love you too Butterscotch."

~~~

"Holy shit." I'm woken up by Italy's voice. I open up my eyes, squinting at the bright lights. "Cameron James Thorn, what have you done to your skin?" Her voice is stern. I sit up and pull off my shirt entirely, which had apparently slid up enough for her to see the surprise.

"Surprise, love." I tug down my pants a little so she can see the rest of it. It takes her a few moments for it to sink in.

"Hayden... Oh, Cam, it's wonderful." Her smile is weak. "I love the tattoo. But how did you afford it? It must have been crazy expensive."

"Don't worry about that." Italy just nods and kisses me gently, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

~~~

Teaser: cuuuuuuuuute

Almost done with the story guys omg. There are only two chapters left and then the epilogue.