you're the reason. a.i

Chapter 5.

A/N This chapter might have a few band references. If you know them, point them out! Thanks for reading! Next chapter, is probably when I'm going to start bringing Ashton in the story.

Zoey's POV

I'm not really sure how I feel. It's like I feel numb, and I don't feel anything. But yet, at the same time, I feel every single thing. It's like the sadness is consuming every part of me. What is sadness exactly? Sadness is an emotional pain that's caused by a loss, or a feeling of sorrow, disadvantage, helplessness, and despair. It's almost like living in a hell. I don't think anyone is actually happy. We are all locked inside this screwed up world, we are all locked up inside our own hells. Even hell can get comfy once you've settled in. No matter how fucked you get, there's always hell when you come back down.

I've tried changing, and being happy. How does one be happy when they are living inside a hell? It feels like I have no hope, no help, no nothing. When the sadness consumes you, it's extremely hard to get out. It's like your body wants you to feel that sadness inside of you. And when you start feeling happy, you miss the feeling of being sad. You got so used to being sad, or feeling nothing, that when you start getting happy, you miss that emptiness part of you. Why is it like that? Are we all suppose to feel empty inside?
I didn't go to school today, I made a fool of myself last night. I can't believe I let my imagination take away my sanity. I haven't slept in 24 hours, and honestly, I don't want to sleep. Why am I going to sleep when he's just there haunting more of my dreams? Damn you, for leaving me heartbroken. Now, because of you, my life is all fucked up. My parents, my sister and my friends have tried talking to me, but I don't want to talk. All they are going to want to talk about is what happened last night. Today is Friday, which means I'll be having a three day weekend, yahooooo. Both of my parents stayed home today, they are extremely concered about me.

I decided I guess I should go out and talk to them. I got out of my bed and took a look in the mirror. Not only did I feel like a broken wreck, I looked like one too. My hair had some knots in it. My makeup from yesterday was smeared and all over my face. My eyes had really bad bags underneath them. And my eyes were still a little bloodshot from crying almost all night. I cried from when I got home, which was around 9:30, all the way to 4 am. After that, all my tears were gone, I couldn't cry anymore. I cleaned up a little bit, so atleast I didn't look like a wreck for my parents. After washing my makeup off and putting my hair up in a pony tail, I opened my door and headed down the hallway that lead to the stairs.

I got about halfway down the stairs when I heard my parents talking. They must be in the living room. I sat down on one of the stairs listening to their conversation.

"Brooke, I can't keep this in much longer, we have one more week." My dad said to my mom. It sounded like he was trying to be quiet, like he thought I was sleeping and he didn't want to wake me up. One more week? Til what? School ends in about a week.

"David, I understand that. But did you not see what happened last night? She's not okay, David. She can't even play the one thing that makes her happy, because of that damn boy. If you tell her this, she's going to lose it." My mom said in a really serious tone. Great, my mom already thinks I'm insane.

"I understand that. I think she's okay. I don't think she's going insane. But we don't even know what happened last night." My dad like to stick up for me alot. But my mom was right in this argument.

"Are you kidding me? Since when has she stopped from making a goal for no reason? She hasn't played since their breakup, and this happens the first time she plays again? There's no way she's going to play soccer anymore. And there's no way she's going to take your news very well, either." Seriously, can they just tell me what this news is?
I decided I'd come down the rest of the stairs. I kind of wanted to tell them what happened. That's really weird to say, but it's true. My parents understood me better than anyone else did. I walked down the stairs and into the living room. My dad stopped talking and they both looked at me with wide eyes.

"Hey honey, how are you feeling?" My dad asked me bringing me into his big muscular arms.

"Honestly, I don't really know." I said quietly. My mom gave me a big hug and we all sat down on the couch. I was in the middle, my mom was on the right side of me, and my dad was on the left side of me. I knew what was coming next.

"Sweetie, we are really worried about you. I know you may not want to talk about it, but we can only help you if you tell us. So what happened?" My mom asked with a look of concern. I was quiet for a few minutes thinking of how to say this. Most teenagers don't talk to their parents about things. I may be extremely lame for this, but I don't care.

"Well. I'm not really sure what happened at first. I got on the field, and the first half was fine. I was having fun, I missed playing so much. I had a huge rush of adrenaline, and it felt great to play for my team again.." My mom and dad nodded telling me to go on. "Well, then came the 2nd half. I didn't make a goal the first half, so I was going to make sure I would make on the second half. I thanked God for my fast running because no one was around me and I was going to be able to make a goal.."
My parents nodded and I kept going. "I looked into the crowd to see you guys smiling at me, and I saw him. He was all too familiar. So I stopped dead in my tracks. I was telling myself he wasn't actually there, but I saw him everywhere. Sooner or later the other team took the ball away from me." I started getting tears in my eyes. "After the other team took the ball from me, I started running after them again, just to be stopped again. He was there again. He was cheering me on. I looked back into the crowd and he was there again.. Mouthing 'I love you.' And then I looked back to the side and he was there blowing me kisses and saying good luck babe." At this point I was balling my eyes out, I was so close to sobbing.

"I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran. I ran to my car and drove myself home. I just couldn't take it. So much of my life has been ruined because of it. And now, I can't even play the one thing that matters most to me." I was sobbing at this point. Crying big tears. Making really loud noises. Thank God Gracie isn't here. I don't want her to see me like this.. My parents looked really shocked and really worried about me. They were speechless. I can gurantee you they had no idea what to say to that. 'Sorry' wasn't going to fix this, nothing was.

I sat there crying in my mom's arms for atleast 10 minutes. " Listen sweetie, we know how hard this is on you." My mom started. And then my dad joined in. " And we want to make things better for you. Therapy didn't help, and I know no one can really help you. I wasn't planning on telling you this now. But, I think it might be help you get better.." I looked at him with a confused look, and my mom looked at him and mouthed 'shut up David.'
"We are moving to a different state." My dad finally said.

And those were words, that I never wanted to hear.

A/N Oh snap! Zoey and her family are moving. I promise in either chapter 6 or 7 Ashton will be coming into the story. I hope you guys are liking it. I'm making alot of filler chapters, because I don't want to rush the story. Follow me on twitter and or instagram @brittanybear101 I normally follow back (: