This Is The End (PUBLISHING)

Chapter 10

Letter 10

Dear Hide,

Sometimes I really think I'm okay...Sometimes I really think I'm recovering from my depression. When you were there with me, I was making great progress, my anxiety slowed and I had real emotions again.

It's hard.

It's really fucking hard now. Why me? Why do I hate myself? Could I have done something to help you? Could I have talked you out of it?

My anxiety is through the roof now, I constantly feel my heart beating like crazy. I feel like I'm about to throw up all the time, I don't ever want to eat much...All I do is cry.

I'm such a fucking crybaby.

I miss you...I miss who I was...I hate who I am...I need you.

I need something. Some kind of peace. Some kind of remedy.

Please...

Chapter 10-

I had to drive by Hide's house on the way to the rink. I felt nervous, but I took it slowly down the road and looked over at the house.

I stopped.

I stared at the house, my heart racing.

Stepping out of the car, I could no longer feel my heart beat, it was so fast I couldn't feel it anymore. I stared at the house intensely, I could see so many memories.

I could see Hide and I playing tag in the front yard, the water slide that Hide broke his arm on, the window we broke with a baseball bat, the spot on the grass we watched the stars in, the circles in the grass that were worn by us running in the same spots, so many...

So many memories...

They flooded my mind, stabbed my heart, suffocated my lungs, killed my soul...

Memories of a dead man.

I began to hear something from the house, something that made me think I was going crazy.

I crossed the road and stood at the edge of the driveway. The noise I heard definitely came from the house. My eyes widened as I listened to it, trying to figure out who it belonged to.

It was screaming.

Loud sobs and ear piercing screeches coming from the home.

I tried not to think about all the bad times in the house. When Hide got chased out, when he got beat in front of me, when his father visited the house to take Hide with him, when...

It all came back...

It all came back to me...

I knocked on the door, waited patiently. The sobbing and screaming stopped, and then The door opened. Hide's mother stood there, peeking out only one eye.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm fine...East," She paused, "Do you think you could come back at a later time?"

I nodded, not being able to look at her. "Yes ma'am..."

I walked away from the door, shaking. It didn't hit me that I walked right up past all the memories and right to where I stood years ago for the first time...It didn't hit me that it was the first time I've been to see any of Hide's family since his death...

I drove away as quickly as possible. Something about those screams made me want to stab myself, made me want to drive myself into a tree...Like sirens leading sailors to their death, those wails could have lead me to my suicide.