This Is The End (PUBLISHING)

Chapter 13

Dear Hide,

I just threw up because of the anxiety, I don't know what took a hold of me.

I'm sitting in my bed, shaking. I know I can;t take this without you, and I don't understand why anymore. Everyone else has moved on.

Everyone.

Why can't I?

You know, sometimes I sit here and I just wait for you to call. I wait for you to come back and need me the way I need you now. I wait for you...

I need you.

I want to know why you stopped needing me. If you ever did...

I woke up the next morning early. The sun was just starting to rise, the birds just beginning to sing their morning song. I pushed the covers away from me, leaned up and took a deep breath. My nose was stuffy, my throat felt dry and my arms were aching.

There were noises coming from downstairs, rattling of some bottles and the harsh closing of the fridge door.

I made my way downstairs, not making a sound.

I had mastered the art of silence since I was a child. My father needed his sleep so he could take full day shifts at work.

Being the "reckless" child I am, I'd go downstairs for a midnight snack here and there.

I peered around the corner to see mom. She was tapping her foot to the sound of quiet music and took a bite of one Carla's poptarts. I walked into the kitchen and took a seat while she looked at me.

"Good morning," She said, pausing her music and coming over to hug me.

I went in and hugged her back. She needed a hug once or twice, and I didn't always give them to her before.

"What has you up so early?" She asked, grabbing the rest of the poptart and eating it. She pulled out a chair and sat down at the table with me. I shrugged, looking off and scratching my head.

"I just felt the urge to get up,"

There was an unsettling silence between us, but, this felt normal. My mom and I were close, but not as close as she and Carla are.

But they're both girls, so they have that going for them. I'm just her son.

"East,"

I looked up at, "Yes?"

"I'd like to talk to you about Hide..."

I drew in a deep breath, "Oh,"

I didn't want to talk about Hide, not now. Not to my mom. She didn't know what I was feeling, but she knew something bugged me. The whole family did, I threw up yesterday.

That stress couldn't have been just from the hickey.

I've put my body through some hell since he died.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, staring at me with sweet eyes, like she always did.

Mom took the sweeter approach to things, an approach I liked. It helped keep me calm as a child, whereas dad getting upset would just stress me out more.

"I don't know," I said, taking in another breath and looking away from her.

She didn't speak,

"I don't know how I feel anymore, mom. I miss him, he's my best friend. But now he's gone. I shouldn't have to be dealing with this, but I am."

She nodded, allowing me to speak.

"I feel very lst without him here, he's always been there for me and now I'm all alone...And no, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just.."