This Is The End (PUBLISHING)

Chapter 11

Letter 11

Dear Hide,

Sorry it's so late...oh wait...

You're dead.

So you probably don't have sense of fucking time, do you? You probably don't even see the sun, or the moon, or the stars. You don't.

Do you even feel anything?

Do you have anything..?

Are you anything anymore...?

I had my first kiss tonight, with some guy. Looking back, now I can at least say I had that. I won't die too simple minded...

You should experience this stuff

If I could

I'd switch you for me.

I'd kill myself for you to come back...

Can you please come back? I'll end everything I am for you. I just want this pain to fucking end. Please...

Please....

Chapter 11-

Sometimes I catch myself dreaming of him. Sometimes I see him there, in the flesh and bone. I can see his smile, smell his scent, feel his touch, be one with his presence.

And for a singular moment, even in a dream.

My world is at ease.

Nothing that used to give anxiety bothered me, nothing that made me hate being alive got to me. Nothing hurt me when he was with me. Not in these dreams.

It just had to be him.

Then I'd feel it. The stab in the gut, the blade through the skull,  the slice of my soul...

He would shatter like glass in front of me. Every time he would be close enough to stab me with the shards. All of them would hit me, none would leave me unscaved. I'd scream and yell and sob but you were breaking. I could hear you say...

"Don't cry, my friend...Please, this is all for you. You must be grateful that you are strong enough for this world. I am not, and that is why..." he would always pause.

"I'll see on you the other side..."

And once all the piece of glass were on the ground, no longer piercing my body, I'd turn around to hear Hide's voice. There'd be a small table and a nice handgun. My hands would form perfectly around it, as if knew what to do...As if I had already done it before...

I'd place it on my temple and let my finger linger on the trigger. It was as if I was actually doing it. I thought about how this would be it. Theres no coming back from this. After, you'll be faced with God, at his mercy.

This was his game, there was no way he'd let you come back after all you've done. Good or bad, God ran this server...there was no way to come back once you were gone.

I could feel myself crying, but I always pulled the trigger.

--

I woke up, my body covered in sweat and my throat burning. My body was shaking in the silence of night. I was all alone...

All alone.

 It was 5:30 in the morning, I went downstairs and got cold water form the fridge. I sat on the couch and played my music through my earbuds until the sunrise. I was stuck on an older song, one I had only stumbled across on a youtube video before Hide died.

"I guess I'll never know the reason why...you love me as you do..."

My body continued to shake, this time the dream had hit me harder than it ever had. My stomach was turning and my eyes were covered in tears.