youngblood//L.H

"After all I've done I can't go back" (Lucy's POV)

There. I said it. I told two of the only people who know me better than anyone, or at least, used to, the truth. It doesn't feel as good as I had hoped.

- "He even wrote songs about you" Ashton smiles.

- " Uh.. Luce?" Michael starts. "Speaking of Luke..."

And that's why. Luke. I haven't told Luke. Or Calum. But Luke... Fuck. I'm starting to wonder if I regret bumping into Mike and Ash or if I regret not saying anything. It's like the guilt and shame is all coming back now.

- "I can't Mike. I can't tell him. After all I've done, I can't go back. There are no words to even begin explaining how much I'm sorry. It's already not that easy apologising to you guys, or Cal, eventually but Luke? It's going to crush him."

- "Hate to break it to you but it's a little late for that" Michael let's out, regretting instantly his wording. "Shit Luce, I didn't mean it like that its just..."

I shake my head and signal him to stop. He's completely right, and I know it. I crushed him. I can still remember his voice cracking when I broke his heart. And mine, in the meantime.

- "It's okay, it's not like you're wrong."

- "Look Lucy, as much as he felt broken when you left, he would do anything to have a moment with you again. And you know what? You made a choice to keep him out of this all and in a way it was selfless when you think about it but I'd like to think you know that he has the right to know he has a kid out there. I sure as hell would want to know..." Ash states.

Holy shit. They're a lot wiser than they used to be, and even back then, they always knew what to say.
I feel awful. I can't keep lying to the people I love. But how the hell am I going to tell Luke??

- "You just have to go for it I guess. Rip the bandaid off." Did I think out loud or do they just know me that well?

- "Okay. Okay. Okay! Okay cool cool cool I'll just... tell him." I swallow nervously. "But I need to tell Calum first. I can't do it with him in the dark."

- "Alright then, let's call Cal."

I'm so scared.
Yet I can't help but feel accepted and loved by my boys.

- "Hey... guys?"

- "Yeah Mumma?" Mike half jokes.

- "I'm really truly sorry. If it makes you feel better, I've missed you so fucking much. Every single day.

- "You know what it kind of does" Ashton laughs. "We missed you too love." They both start hugging me and all of a sudden, everything felt right for a moment.
Mike pulls away from us and suggests Ashton should get his phone out.
Here we freaking go I guess.