youngblood//L.H

"Home in human form." (Luke's POV)

While Cal sleeps, I looked at myself in the mirror for a good 45 minutes. I look different. The last time we were here, my hair was short, I was unable to grow a beard and... well I had her.
Damn, I love Calum, but that conversation is really messing with my head. I can't bring myself to think about her most days, so hearing her name is so fucking painful. To make myself feel better I convince myself I don't love her anymore, that after 3 years, I'm not so heartbroken. That I've moved on, and that the only reason I'm even reminded of her at times is because I'm curious to know why she left.
But that's a bunch of bullshit. She's the love of my life, my person... or at least she used to be. I can't stop seeing her everywhere I go, no matter how much I wish I didn't. I don't think I've even felt so much pain. The words she left me with replay in my head anytime I try and get close to anyone else. It's fucked with so many of my relationships. Is it possible to hate someone so much and still love them to death at the same time? Clearly it is; it shouldn't though. That'll mess you up.
I'm tempted to go outside and try and find her, but I don't even know if she lives here anymore, I've tried looking for her on twitter and instagram but both of those accounts are ghosts. She kept the pictures of us and the stupid interactions we used to have. I'd like to think that means she still loves me too but I'm not about to get all worked up about something so small.
Fuck my heart hurts so bad. Why? Why the hell did everything go wrong so quickly? What happened?
I may never know.
All of these questions are killing me, I need to get out of this hotel room. NOW.

I don't even bother leaving a note for Calum, he'll probably still be sleeping by the time I get back.
I'm walking down the hallway when it clicks. By the time I get back from what?
- "What the hell am I doing?" I say, sliding slowly to the ground with my back against the wall.
And that's a pretty good question. I don't know what I was hoping. I only brought my phone with me.. annnnddd I forgot the key card inside. GREAT. I can't call Calum, he probably won't answer.
So I just sit there, not even being bothered to go down to the lobby to ask for a new key. I just scroll through my phone skimming through my camera roll. I went back too far, I know I did. Because I'm looking at the last picture I took of her. She looks so beautiful. Little did I know she'd be ripping my heart out a week later.
It's weird. Missing her that is. It's not like how you miss someone you don't see everyday. It's different, like missing an essence. Ultimately, before becoming my girlfriend, she was my best friend before anything else. Sounds lame but hey, got to love a cliche love story right?
Just her presence was enough to feel better sometimes. She didn't even have to say anything. She'd just look at you, and would slowly start to hold your hand, and she'd let you cry and vent all the while staying silent. She wouldn't ask any questions: her face was just so... trustworthy and warm. You felt at ease around her, never being afraid of being judged. She always made you feel loved, included. That's the kind of person she was: home in human form. I hope wherever she is, she's someone's home. Anybody worthy of being loved by her is the luckiest person alive.
After reminiscing for what felt like forever, I make my way to the lobby, ask for a new key card and take the elevator back up to our room. When I get back Calum is talking to someone.
- "When are you going to tell Luke?" he says with concern.
- "Tell me what? Is that Ash?" I ask. But I'm guessing by the look on his face and his half-assed explanation, it's not. Or at least, they aren't talking about music.

-Oooooo...kayyyy? I guess? So fucking weird."
I make my way down to the bar. It's early to get hammered but hey, I earned this.
Calum joins me a few minutes later. I'm planning on asking him who he was talking to. Cal is unable to lie to me, he has so many tells. It's so much easier to tell when it's him since he hates lying. Meaning this is something he really can't tell me.

- "You okay Cal?" I ask, looking worried. I mean, I partially am, but overall I know Calum won't be able to resist it for much longer

- "Yeah mate yeah don't worry I'm just uh.. still really tired. Stupid Ashton waking me up for nothing" he laughs.

- "That's like his specialty" I scoff.

He doesn't say anything. He kind of just looks at me. Stares, even. Analysing every detail on my face. Fuck, is he on to me?

- "Okay let's cut the crap Cal, I know you weren't talking to Ash about music you're the worst liar in the whole fucking world." I say, putting down quickly my shot glass back on the bar counter.

- "Wh-what?" he says, knowing fully well he's screwed. He looks scared. What is he so afraid for me to find out?

- "Calum, what is it? I'm not mad, it's just, you never lie to me usually, and I can tell whatever this is, it's making you jumpy."

- "Look Luke... I can't tell you."

- "Why not?" I'm confused. He's acting like someone has died.

- "It's not that easy, and it's honestly not my place..."

- "Okay, well let Ash tell me then!" I say, grabbing his phone.

- "Wait no Luke don't!"

- "Why not?"

- "Because Ash maybe won't be the one to answer and it'll be too much for you!"

- "What are you talking about?"
He sighs.

- "Ash and Mike ran into Lucy. She's in London." he says with a guilty look plastered all over is face.

- "Oh fuck." is all that comes to mind.
I'm going to throw up.