17 again.

3

"But all this weed you're smoking isn't good for you
Your cash supply will soon run out"

Cole

In the end, after cleaning up, of course, Fin and I ordered a pizza and ate it in the second-floor living room. My house was fairly large, it was inherited from my mum's side of the family and my parents were fairly well of.

We settled in front of the TV and into a comfortable silence. I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he laughed or smiled around a bite of pizza when something funny happened or frowned when something sad happened. I think I need help.

Once we hit another commercial break Fin turned to me, equipped with the 'serious face'. His eyebrows were drawn together in concentration as he gnawed at his bottom lip. (I might spend to much time focusing on his lips.) His shoulders were rigid and he kept wringing his hands, he looked tense, worried.

"Cole. I'm worried about you." He started after a moment of hesitation. "I've been trying to not hover over you too much, but I just..." He faltered for a moment then continued. "I know things haven't been great at home with all the arguing but-"

"They're getting a divorce. My parents I mean." I admitted, running my hands through my hair. It was in need of a cut, been to lazy to bother recently.

"Cole, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be. I'd rather they split up than argue all the time." I interrupted, not wanting his pity. "I'm more worried about Benji though. He'll probably end up with mum but the split will be difficult for him."

"Cole. What about you? I know you've been getting in trouble at school a lot. Is it because of your parents?"

"No. I don't know how many times I have to tell people but it has very little to do with them." And everything to do with you.

"People?" He inquired, raising one eyebrow in a golden arch.

"Yeah, Mr. Green."

"Oh right." He fell silent, playing with the edges of his hoodie. Well, it was my hoodie but it definitely looked better on him. All my clothes did, although I'd much rather see him in non- No, bad Cole, stop it with the dirty thoughts. "What do the two of you talk about?" He inquired after a bit of silence.

"Nothing much, just stuff." He's trying to get my life back together and that's fucking terrifying.

"Right." He sighed, running his fingers through his golden hair. He really should give it a rest, he was doing that constantly. "You know you can talk to me, Cole. No matter what."

"I know." I just don't want you to hate me. I don't want to stop being your friend, even if that's all I can ever be.

"Then what's wrong? You were fine a month ago then all of a sudden you started acting up, hanging around Willow and her stoner friends. What happened?"

I'm gay Fin but I just figured it out a month ago and it's all your fault. "Nothing, I'm getting better now anyway so just drop it."

"I thought you were getting better Cole, then you disappeared with Willow for three fucking days. You didn't call, I was so worried you'd done something stupid or Clark sold you for drug money, but I told your parents you were at my house." He got up, shaking his head quickly. "I'm such an idiot, covering up your tracks."

"I never asked you to. You just did. You're always trying to fix things that can be fixed." I stood up too. Getting angry with him was definitely easy than being in love with him. Safer to.

"Because I care about you, more than you do anyway. I'm starting to wonder why." He sighed, clenching his fists at his sides. "Cole just tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help."

"Nothing." Everything. So many things, like the fact that I love you. "Just leave me be." I regretted it the moment I said it, I didn't want him to leave but that was the problem.

"Fine." He turned to leave then turned right back and grabbed the pizza box. "Mine."

I watched him leave, not saying anything even though all I wanted to do was keep him here, holding him in my arms. I let him go. Like a coward.

Maybe I'm the idiot.

🎵🎸🎵

I ended up where I normally do when I'm full of emotions I need to ignore, Willow's place. I was on her carpet, high out of my mind, staring at my hands and giggling at my fingers. I'm not even sure what I took, not LSD at least since I wasn't hallucinating. It wasn't meth or heroin either Willow doesn't have and I don't use, I'm reckless, not insane. It was probably pot, maybe that's why I feel so hungry.

"Kid, you're still alive right?" Willow inquired from the kitchen, I could hear the microwave working. She peaked her head into the living room, white dreadlocks swinging. I didn't know much about Willow. She was black, had piercing black eyes and called me kid despite only being three years younger than me. She sold drugs to pay for college and would be done with it next year, with the drugs and college, she never used any herself though.

"Yep," I responded, grinning happily to myself. Why was I even upset again? Oh, right Fin. I giggled. Fin has pretty eyes.

"Good. I don't need to worry about a dead body." She joked. "Want anything? Claire's at McDonald's." Claire was Willow's roommate and girlfriend, they were practically married.

"Get me a Big Mac- no two Big Mac's. And a coke. Please."

The burgers came a few minutes later and I started scarfing them down as Claire sat across from me and beside Willow. We were on the floor, sat in a loose circle and watching a stoner comedy. Not quite sure which one.

"So Cole, you were just here yesterday, and while I'm cool with you bumming around here when you need to, you usually wait a little longer before coming back," Willow spoke between bites of McNuggets. "What happened?"

"Fin," I stated simply, no explanation needed. They already knew all about my stubborn crush.

"You're still hung up over him?" She asked dismissively, sipping at her drink.

"Willow. He can't just 'get over' his emotions that easily." Claire reprimanded her, picking at her salad. Who goes to a fast food restaurant and buys a salad? "That's not how regular relationships work."

"So what do you suggest he does then?" Willow prodded.

"Just tell him, if he freaks out when he's not worth your time or love." She explained, whipping at some spilled mayo in her lap dainty. Everything about her looked delicate, her pink and white hair, her clothes like she could shatter like glass.

"Not necessarily. If Clark suddenly prophesied his undying love for you, you'd freak out too."

"Clark hasn't been my best friend for twelve years, he's barely an acquaintance." Claire went on. "Besides you'd break him half."

"True." Willow conceded. "But it's still not that easy."

"Fine. What do you suggest he does instead?"

"Get laid. Now that'll get him out of your system." She concluded. "It may take a few tries but pretty soon you won't even remember his name."

"Thank you lesbians, you have much wisdom." I chimed in once they finally paused, giving me space to talk.