17 again.

15

Cole

"I told him."

It was Saturday now, and again I found myself in room 103. Everyone else had already cleared out, it was just me and Kim alone in the empty boardroom.

Even now the words tasted bitter on my lips. Kim looked up at me, brow furrowed till realization dawned on her.

"So he knows everything?" She inquired, brown raised in a silent question.

"Partially." I admitted. "I told him I was gay. I can't tell him the rest yet."

"Chicken." She mocked. "If you drag this out any longer than it needs to be you're just going to hurt yourself more."

"He'd need to actually talk to me for me to tell him the rest."

"He's not talking to you? But Fin seems so nice. I can't believe he'd be a homophobe."

"He's not. He just has trouble coping with new things. Plus he's probably pissed I hadn't told him sooner."

"He'll come around, he doesn't seem like the type to let twelve years of friendship just die."

I hope you're right.

🎵🎸🎵

Sunday morning rolls around and he still hasn't called.

I feel myself reaching for my guitar before I can even think. It's weight feels familiar in my hands, even after almost two months of not playing it. My fingers pluck the chords before I let myself think about what I'm doing.

I'm playing the song, his song, because I'm seemingly committed to the not thinking thing and it's the first one to come to mind. Even after all this time I still remember every note, every chord and they slip past my fingers easily. I can't bring myself to sing the words though, that seems like too much of a stretch.

The melody is simple, sweet, uncomplicated, it was the words that had done me in originally.

After a few minutes I'm silent, head bowed over my instrument, the only sound in the room is my heavy breathing. I feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders, for a minute I'm at peace in the silence.

Until I heard a sound from my doorway.

"Whoa."

Finnian Snow has to be the most beautiful human being I've ever seen in my life. He's standing in my doorway, almost like his song summoned him, a nervous smile gracing his lips, holding bags full of Chinese takeout.

"I'm sorry." Those were the first words out of his mouth. He sounded sheepish, like a kid who'd been caught with their hand in a cookie jar. "I acted like an idiot."

"Thank god you said it so I didn't have to." I joked then asked: "How did you get in?"

"Your mother let me in." He answered. "I shouldn't have run. I was just shocked."

"What? Am I not gay enough looking or something?" I joked. "I keep getting reactions like that."

"I'm not quite sure, but I don't think that's how it works." He joked back. "I just thought that if you were you would have told me by now." He raised up his plastic bags full of food. "I brought take out as a peace offering. Can I come in?

"Get in here you idiot."

Five minutes later we're settled on my bed, with me digging into a box orange chicken. He's got his own box of food balanced in his lap, but he's not eating it.

"What song was that?" He asked. "I've never read it before. Is it new? Did you write it?"

"Its new." I answered. "I wrote it."

"Can you play it for me? If you don't mind, I didn't hear it from the beginning."

I could just say no, that would be safer. But one good look into his big blue eyes has me melting and before I knew it I'm wiping off my hands and picking up my guitar.

It doesn't come as easy as it did the first time or the second, but soon enough my mind is filled with nothing but music and Fin.

I finished, and he looks up at me in wonder. I hadn't noticed when he'd set his food aside and scooted closer, our shoulders were bumping now.

"That was amazing. How come I've never heard that song before?" I shrugged, not trusting myself to speak. He's damn close I can smell him, he smells just like last time, like peaches. I missed his scent. I missed him. I can barely think with him so close.

"Cole, are you listening?" I shake my head. How long had he been speaking?

He shook his head, golden locks swaying. He hasn't cut them in a while, so they've nearly grown too his shoulders. I wonder how it would feel to run my hands through them? "I asked if the song had any lyrics yet."

"Yes. Want to hear them?" I don't know what possessed me to say that but the words are already out now, no way I could take them back.

"Definitely."

Here goes everything.

The song plays without my voice for a few bars before I start to sing. I throw myself into it, singing my heart out because I know there's no way after this that things can go back to normal. The song's so obvious a deaf person could understand it. There is no subtext, just pure, raw, unfiltered emotion.

Again, I finish and look up at him once I'm ready to see his reaction. There's no way he doesn't know now. Fin isn't dense.

He'd moved even closer while I played again but this time he was in front of me, so unbearably close. He's biting his lip again, the boy doesn't know what that does to me, with his eyes blown wide in shock.

I make my decision in a split second, if this might be the end of us there's one last thing I need to do. I need to kiss him. His lips look so soft, they're beckoning me like sirens calling sailors to their doom and I'm gladly coming to mine.

Finnian Snow is full of surprises, instead of backing away like any straight boy would he's leaning forward. I almost can't believe my eyes. Soon, maybe because he's unhappy with the slow pace, his hands are cupping my face and he's pulling me in with an impatient growl. Our lips crash together and for a few minutes there's nothing wrong in my world.