17 again.

7

Cole

Fin was in my passengers seat, rambling on. He looked kind of adorable as he wrung his hands nervously and tapped his feet against the floor to the tune coming from radio. Under normal circumstances I'd be sneaking little peaks at him, trying my best not to get caught. Instead I was gripping tightly onto the steering wheel, speeding down the road.

He barely noticed because he was too busy talking about Lacey fucking Lowe. She asked him out! And he said yes. Goddammit.

"Cole are you okay?" He reached out to touch my shoulder, squeezing tightly. He looked worried and all of a sudden I felt horrible. It's not his fault. I couldn't even blame Lacy. It wasn't her fault she wasn't as cowardly as me. Plus she was nice, too nice, like fucking human skittles. I couldn't even hate her properly.

"I'm fine, just stressed about my literature paper." I kind of was, literary analysis wasn't my thing, but that wasn't why I was upset of course.

Fin's eyes brightened and he stopped his nervous feet tapping. Now literary analysis was definitely his thing. "I can help." He said, forgetting Lacey. I should have mentioned literature earlier. "What's it about?"

"I have to analyse a play, poem or prose through the lens of a marginalised group of people." I sighed. "Thinking of doing Beloved."

He shook his head, golden hair bouncing messily. "Too common. Half the people in our English Lit class did Beloved."

"They did?"

"Yeah, you just skipped school that day, or rather those days. I'm glad you're getting back to normal now. Remember-"

"-if I'm every ready to talk you're here." I'm just not ready to tell you I love you yet. "Trust me you'll be the first person to know."

"I better." He smiled slightly, blush creeping up his face. What was that for? "How about you do The Great Gatsby?"

"No offense but I thought that story was just full of rich white people, maybe I could get something from Daisy though?"

"Yes it's full of rich white people but it's so obvious Nick Carraway is gay for Gatsby, like glaringly obvious. Plus there are all sorts of questions about F. Scott Fitzgerald's sexuality that still haven't been properly answered."

"You sound like you've been thinking about that a lot."

He shrugged. "Wanted to do it for my project but my other teammates didn't want to even consider the idea." He shook his head, like it was out of the ordinary for teenage boys to not want to do anything that could even question their sexuality. "But luckily for you you're doing the project by yourself so you won't need to worry about other people."

"Yeah, lucky me. I have to do a four thousand word literary analysis by myself in two weeks."

"Don't worry. You've got me, I'll be your unofficial partner."

"Thanks gor-goofball." I add-lipped, trying to pretend I didn't almost slip up and call him gorgeous. What the hell is wrong with me!?

"Anything for you..." My heart skipped a beat, ringing in the hollow of my chest like a church bell. "...you're my best friend afterall." Then all of a sudden my heart was crushed.

What else was I expecting? A kiss?

Well one can always dream.

"Alright The Gay Gatsby it is."

He chuckled softly. "Sounds like a book I read once."

🎵🎸🎵

I couldn't get the image of Fin and Lacey together out of my head. The more I thought about it the more they seemed perfect together. They were both stupidly nice, athletic and beautiful. She was even more into the stuffy old classics Fin loved than I could ever be.

They didn't feel right though because... because she wasn't me and I kind of hated her for that.

So in an attempt to get over my jealousy I ended up at a party. I didn't plan to drink at all or smoke much, I just needed a distraction. Right now I was on a couch, trapped in conversation with a hyperactive Clark. His bright red hair looked like a bird nest and his dark blue eyes were dilated. He was definitely high. On what I wasn't sure.

"Come on man, just look around there're plenty of fish in the sea. Don't let Fin tie you down." He tugged at my arm, trying to pull me of the couch and giving up eventually. He collapsed next to me with an exaggerated sigh. "At least take something to loosen up."

I shook my head because, as stupid as it sounded, I didn't want to disappoint Fin.

"Boring. Since when did you become such a killjoy?"

I was about to respond when I saw him, resting against a wall on the other side of living room with a red solo cup held up to his lips. I almost didn't recognise him without his suit. He was just in a simple shirt and a pair of jeans, his hair ruffled purposefully like he was in command of every strand. He looked up and met my eyes from across the room, grinning slightly when I got up and made my way towards him, leaving Clark behind.

Get laid. Now that'll get him out of your system... soon you wont even remember his name

Call me if you need help forgetting.

"Hello Cole, it's nice to see you again." He smiled once I caught up to him.

"Hey Luka, I.." My courage disappeared once he opened his mouth. What was I even doing?

"You want some help forgetting?" Bold. "Might as well, I'm not doing anything now anyway." He smirked, eyes grazing over me like I was just a piece of meat ready to be gobbled up.