17 again.

22

"What the hell you gonna lose?
What's his friendship worth to you?
Can you see him every day
And know that you never took it anywhere?"

Fin

1 hour ago

Somehow, after wallowing in my own misery and depressing myself by over thinking things, I think I've come to a sort of conclusion. I could spend the last few days of High school lugging around my secret or I could just confess.

I chose the second option because I'm tired of pretending. Although, that doesn't explain what I'm doing in a Chinese restaurant at 10 in the morning on a Sunday when I should be at church.

I know Cole might be a little, or maybe even a lot, pissed at me after I disappeared for days, so I'm gathering a peace offering. Anytime I pissed Cole of I got him Chinese food to make up for it while he's get me McDonald's if he pissed me of. It's one of our unofficial traditions.

I smile at the thought and the lady handing me my food gives me a funny look but I'm to stuck in my own world to notice.

📚📘📖✒

17 minutes ago

Mrs. Wint-, I mean.... Actually I don't know her maiden name or if she's even changed back yet. I'll find out later.

Anyway, Cole's Mother opens the front door for me and ushers me in with a smile.

"Finnian, it's good to see you. You haven't been over for a while." She shuts the door behind her. "I was starting to think you and Cole were fighting about something."

"I've just been busy." I shrug, I feel bad lying to her but its not like I can tell her the truth. "Is Cole in his room?"

"Yep. Just go on up." She gestures towards the staircase. "Just leave the door open a crack."

"Oh, OK." That's odd, she's never asked me to do that before. I wonder what that's about. "See you later Miss..."

"...Palmer. It's Ms. Palmer now."

"Jemimah who's that at the door?" I hear someone yell from the kitchen.

"It's Fin, Cole's 'friend'." She throws me an apologetic smile and speed walks back to the kitchen. "What did I say about yelling in the house when we have guests over, Mother?"

A minute later I'm in front of Cole's room, about to knock when I hear the music. I pause, frozen in shock. He hasn't played his guitar in what felt like ages. It's a shame he's great at it. I missed his music.

I open the door just enough to stick my head in but he doesn't notice. He's always so oblivious of his surroundings when he plays, like the world around him has blurred in to nothingness.

The song he's playing now is slow and soft, I've never heard it before. The melody is simple enough to have me humming along after only a few seconds. It sounds like I came in the middle because barely a minute later he stops and bows his head, taking in a deep breath like he's just run a mile.

"Whoa."

He jolted upright and his head whipped in my direction like a startled animal. His shoulders sag in relief when he realizes it's just me.

"I'm sorry." Those were the first words out of my mouth. I stared down at my shoes sheepishly. I'm to worried about his reaction to look a him yet. "I acted like an idiot."

"Thank god you said it so I didn't have to." He joked and I sighed relief, some of the worry flowing right out of me. "How did you get in?"

"Your mother let me in." I answered. "I shouldn't have run. I was just shocked."

"What? Am I not gay enough looking or something? I keep getting reactions like that."

"I'm not quite sure, but I don't think that's how it works." I joked back even though I couldn't help but wonder who else he'd told or if he'd told someone before me. "I just thought that if you were you would have told me by now. I brought take out as a peace offering. Can I come in?

He grins and I swear to God my heart almost stopped then and there. "Get in here you idiot."

Five minutes later we're settled on his bed, with him digging into his orange chicken like he hasn't eaten in days. I've got my sweet and sour chicken balanced in my lap but I'm to filled with nervous energy to stomach anything right now.

"What song was that?" I ask to distract myself from my nerves and because the quiet is starting to get to me. "I've never read it before. Is it new? Did you write it?"

"Its new." He answered. "I wrote it."

"Can you play it for me? If you don't mind, I didn't hear it from the beginning."

He hesitates for a moment, looking up at me before seemingly making a decision. He nods then wipes of his hands before reaching for his guitar.

The song is just as beautiful as it was the first time I heard it.

While he plays I set my food aside and scoot closer, seemingly entranced by the music.

"That was amazing. How come I've never heard that song before?" He shrugged, not looking up at me. His eyes are fixed on his guitar which is now splayed out on his lap.

"Does the song have any lyrics yet?"

He doesn't respond for a bit, eyes still fixed on his guitar. He must have spaced out again, he's been doing that a lot lately.

"Cole, are you listening?" He snaps out I his trance and looks up at me, shaking his head.

"I asked if the song had any lyrics yet."

"Yes. Want to hear them?" He seems to be surprised he said those words but I answer quickly before he can take them back.

"Definitely."

He nods and picks up his guitar for the third time.

The song plays without his voice for a few bars before he start to sing, softly at first before his voice gets louder and he picks up speed. He throws himself into it and I'm carried along with him.

I moved even closer while he played. This time I was in front of him, so agonisingly close.

Again, he finished and looked up at me, waiting for my response. I don't know what to say, my mind's still reeling from the confession. Because that's what this is, isn't it? A confession, one so clear there's no way I could misconstrue it. The song has no subtext, just pure, raw, unfiltered emotion and I think I just fell in love with him a little more.

Because I know he loves me.

He's leaning in now, slowly likes he's worried I'll run screaming into the hills. Instead I lean in too, swallowing down my worries even though a part of me is kind of terrified. I shake it of though, because I refuse to have this moment ruined.

Soon, because Cole's moving to damn slow for me and I've been waiting for this for what feels like eons, I cup his face in my hands and pull him in. Our lips crash together and for a few minutes everything is perfect.