Supergirl Imagines

Sanvers | Sound Sensitivity

Alex's P.O.V.

There's times where it gets really bad. These periods can last from a few days to several months. During this time, it's not a constant thing. More like, I have a few bouts of it for a few days, then it stops for a day or two. Then it comes back, but more intense.

Most people perceive it as just me being more irritable, but that's not it. I just start freaking out at random times because of noise. It's pretty much a sensory overload that is focused on noise. I just start getting annoyed and upset at the slightest sounds. I can't think when its happening and I feel like bursting out in tears most of the time. It also makes me extremely irritable, especially since I'm trying to deflect focus from my tears. I get snappy whenever it starts happening and I practically refuse to speak. I feel trapped and overwhelmed and like crap. It's terrible.

This is the first time I've had it for more than a few days with Maggie. Usually, when it's shorter, I can control my reactions enough so it's not very noticeable. But it's been going on a daily basis for almost two months and I know Maggie is noticing. I've tried to avoid being rude or closed off but, as the time progresses, I'm getting more and more annoyed.

The first time I snap, we are all at Game Night. Me, Maggie, Kara, Lena, James, Winn. The whole gang. And, obviously, there is a lot of noise. Glasses clinking, talking, people eating and drinking, doors closing, toilets flushing, footsteps. Just noise. Constantly.

All my emotions are starting to build up and I'm having trouble focusing. I don't want anybody touching me because even that creates some noise. Fingers rubbing bare arms, hands slapping arms, lips pressing soft, noisy kisses on cheeks, hair being brushed behind ears. It's all too much. Even the small breeze barely rustling the leaves is bothering me. 

I'm starting to retreat. Crawling deep inside my screaming brain. Deep inside my whirling chaos of emotions. I can feel the tears trying to build up and I push them down. I can't speak. I can't explain what's wrong but I can't act like I'm fine. I can't do anything but wait. For something do go wrong or for it all to stop. Whatever comes first.

"Hey, Alex! What should we play next?" Winn asks lightheartedly from besides me. I shrug silently and go back to looking at my lap. There's a light tap on my shoulder and I look up to see Maggie giving me a worried look. She gestures towards the kitchen and I nod, standing up and following her into it.

"Babe, what's wrong?" She asks gently, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep. I try not to wince. At the laughter floating from the living room, the sound of skin rubbing on skin, or the sound of her voice as it reaches my ears. I don't do a good job because I immediately see Maggie's worry deepen.

"Alex..." She prompts, giving me a questioning look. She's still rubbing my arm, the others are still laughing, and her voice is still ringing in my ears. I recoil from her touch and shoot her a glare that I almost instantly regret. Maggie retracts her hand and takes a step back, clearly caught off guard.

"Nothings wrong," I respond, my voice icy and hard. "Just leave me alone right now."

I stock back into the living room and join my friends, only quickly glimpsing the look of hurt and confusion that is on Maggie's face. She comes back in a minute later, her face the picture of emotionless. She takes the seat that she was sitting in before, the one right next to me, but Maggie puts almost a foot of distance between us. I barely say anything the rest of the night unless somebody directly talks to me.

Once we leave and drive home in silence, I apologize. It takes a lot of apologizing, excuses, and deflection to redeem myself, but I do it. That night, I fall asleep in Maggie's arms.

Tonight, it's just the two of us. I've already freaked out twice at work today and it's starting to happen again as Maggie and I lounge around in the living room. Everything is creating noise and it's all rushing at me. I grab my earphones as soon as I know what's happening.

"I'm gonna put my earbuds in," I tell Maggie and she looks up me before nodding. Her eyebrows furrow together and I know she's wondering why I'm doing this for the thirteenth night in a row. It's gotten that bad.

"Okay," She responds uncertainly, nodding slowly. I shove the buds into my ears quickly and hurriedly turn on the music. The volume is already at full blast and I relish in the music that is blocking out all the other noises. I look up for a second and watch Maggie walk around the house, most certainly making noise that I can't hear.

I sigh to myself contently but also annoyed that I'm like this. I go back to reading my book as the music helps tune everything else out. I don't stop reading until one of my earbuds is carefully pulled out and I whip my head up. All the noise immediately starts assaulting my ears. Footsteps above us, creaking floors, closing doors, the fan clicking, and, most importantly, Maggie's voice. I'm too distracted by all the other noises and my anger to hear what Maggie asks.

"Huh?" I look at her confused when I notice her staring at me as if she's waiting for an answer. My response comes out more than a little annoyed and snappy. Maggie sighs in frustration and that noise makes me more irritable.

"Why the hell is your music so loud? You're going to go deaf," She repeats and looks at me in slight annoyance that probably doesn't even begin to rival mine.

"I like it that loud." I shrug. "What are you, my mother?" I mumble to myself and I know Maggie heard at least part of what I said.

"What was that, Danvers?"

"Nothing, it was nothing."

"No, seriously. What did you just say? I want to know."

"I didn't say anything, okay? Did you need anything else?" My voice has risen in volume slightly and Maggie looks taken aback from my response. The muscle in her jaw twitches as she responds.

"Yeah, I want to know what's been up with you recently," She says at the exact moment a door slams out in the hall. That breaks me. Tears immediately well up in my eyes and start falling shortly after. Maggie seems so confused by the turn of emotions that she doesn't really seem to know how to react.

"Alex," She starts but I cut her off.

"Don't, just don't! I'm putting my earbuds back in!" I reach to grab them but she pulls my phone out of my hands, taking my music with it.

"No, you don't get to do that. This is a relationship, Alex. You need to talk to me!" Maggie is on the verge of being loud enough to yell which just adds more noise.

Before I can really process anything, I'm hyperventilating and crying. Maggie has gathered me in her arms and is rocking me back and forth. I cry and cry and cry for what seems like forever until, finally, I stop and all the noise doesn't seem so bad.

"Alex, what was that?" Maggie asks, so I explain. I explain the noises and the panic. The emotions and the tears. The irritability. All of it. And, when I'm done, Maggie holds me tighter and we work out a way to help me. A system of safe words and methods to block out noise. A network of communication and help. And, for once, I feel like I might have found a way to help the problem I've had since I was 12.