No Fairy Tales in Real Life

My Demons

A/n - Chapter is bit short. It's hard to find time to write during the weekend. Will make it up to you on weekdays. Thank you for reading, voting and commenting my story. 😍😍😍😍

My Demons (Godt)

Mayday! Mayday! - The ship is slowly sinking
They think I’m crazy - But they don’t know the feeling
They’re all around me - Circling like vultures
They wanna break me - And wash away my colors 
My Demons By Starset

“You were with him again” P’Rose accused. I closed my eyes and leaned back on my sofa. So she found out that we have been sneaking around her to meet each other. She must have spies dogging my footsteps. Why won’t she leave me alone. Why can’t she just give me a break. I pressed my fingers to my temples.

“Godt?” I cracked opened my eyes. “You can’t meet him again.” She said firmly. How can she tell me what to do? I’m not some underage brat. This is my life.

“There’s another lakorn for you.” She tossed a bundle of papers to me.  “Read this script and we’ll signed the contract.” She crossed her legs.

“What about 2moons?” I asked leaning forward to pick it up. It was a drama series and the character I am supposed to do is an important one.
“What about it?” She asked nonchalantly.
“Season 2?” She clicked her tongue.
“They are still raising funds. I can’t let them hold you back. You have so many offers right now, it’s foolish to wait for them. Besides, this is not a BL one. Remember how I told you about not being stuck in BL? Well, this is a perfect opportunity.” She stood up to walk and stand behind me. She ran her fingers through my hair gently.

“You and I, we are both alike.” She placed her hands on my shoulders and started kneading. “You were ambitious. You were unstoppable. I saw that in your eyes.” She ran her hand over my bare shoulders and curled her fingers around my biceps and squeezed. I leaned my head back on her stomach and sighed.

“You can choose, today, right now.” She let go of me and walked around to sit in the coffee table in front of me. “You can stop fooling around and focus on your future. Or I can let go of you for good, if that's what you want." I looked up at her in alarm.

“What do you mean?” I sat straight holding the script tightly.

“I will release you from your obligations. You’re your own man and I have no responsibility over you.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“I thought you don’t invest on failures” I mumbled. Am I strong enough to stand up on my own? Would I be worthy enough for Bas if I became nothing? Because that’s what I would be without the agency. Without P’Rose I would be a loser and I’m sure she’ll make sure of it.

“I don’t.” She smiled. “As long as you’re with me, you won’t be a failure. But if you go on your own, then that’s another story.” She said in patronizing tone. Just as I thought. “But I can’t make you do things. It should be your decision.” She stood up and picked her bag.

“If you want to play house with little Bas, then go ahead. I don’t like to waste my time on failed projects.” She slung her bag over the arm. “It’s not like your in love with him” She snorted sarcastically. My heart chilled at her word. I recalled Bas’ sex hazed 'I love you' in Malaysia. He hasn’t repeated it ever since. Maybe because I still haven’t reciprocated.
“When the novelty of the sex faded away, you would start to resent him for ruining your carrier. Talk to him. And come to a decision.” She eyed the script in my hand. “Keep that with you as a reminder of your future.” She turned around and walked to the door. “I’ll wait for your call tomorrow.” Then she left me with that ultimatum.

My head is like a spinning wheel. One side I have P’Rose pressuring me. On another my parents expecting me to fulfill my duties. Fans expect me to present myself as a perfect idol which has started to crack with too much pressure. And then there’s Bas.

I don’t know how to interpret what I have with him. I just know that I want him in every possible way. But I don’t think that I’m brave enough to loose everything even for him. I think it’s impractical and stupid. One might call me selfish but that’s what it is. And I don’t think he would want me to jepodise my whole life to be with him. He’s a smart kid.

But I need to see Bas before I make any decisions. I think I owe him that much. I owe us that.

Bas’ mom opened the door to me. She smiled happily at me. I greeted her awkwardly. I’m sorry mom, I may be about to break your baby's heart today. I’m not worthy enough for him because I’m a coward.

I tapped his door and entered his room. He jumped up from his bed and ran to me. He wrapped his arms around my middle and hugged me tightly. I pressed my face to his head and inhaled. He always smells so amazing.

“P’Godt, I’m so surprised that you came.” Normally I would never visit him so officially like today. But I wanted to do this correctly.
“Can’t I come see my baby?” I kissed his nose. I gazed down at his up turned face longingly. I’m gonna miss you so terribly Nong.
He lifted his arms and wrapped them around my neck. It’s useless to fight temptation when it comes to Bas. So I leaned down and took his mouth. I kissed him deeper and harder like I wanted to imprint his taste in my brain.

When I let go of him we were both panting. Bas was glancing at me curiously. He must have noticed a change in my kisses.

“Nong, can I talk to you?” I touched his cheek tenderly.

Take me high and I'll sing
Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay)
We are one in the same
Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away)
Save me if I become
My demons

Take me over the walls below
Fly forever
Don't let me go
I need a savior to heal my pain
When I become my worst enemy
The enemy