No Fairy Tales in Real Life

See you in my Dreams

See you in my Dreams (Bas)

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory          Here with me by Dido

I took a deep breath and stretched my arm across the pillow. Without even opening my eyes I knew that he was gone. I let my fingers trail randomly, slowly till they touched the pillow he's been sleeping on. I curled my fingers around the pillow case and dragged it to me, hugging it tightly. Sighing I pressed my face on it inhaling deeply filling my lungs with his sent. I wanted to stay like this forever, surrounded by his smell, if not the warmth.

It's been like a dream. All these months with him had been wonderful. But I knew deep down, like all good things, it would come to an end, ultimately. I can still feel him in my body; his lips, hands, fingers, tongue, everything.

We were over emotional last night, maybe because we both knew that this would be the last time. I would never have him again. I would never feel him again. Even if I see him he wouldn't be mine to touch again. I can feel my eyes filling up. Despite my promise to him that I wouldn't cry, I just couldn't help myself.

"Bas? Baby? Why aren't you up yet?" Mom knocked gently on the door. Normally she just barges into my room like she owns it. But today, somehow she knew that P'Godt stayed over and I was in a vulnerable position.

"I'm up mummy. I'll come down in a minute." I raised my voice a bit, biting back a sob. I blinked my eyes. The room looked bland without his magnificent presence. I pressed my face against the pillow again.

I straightened up and sat up on the bed. I gasped in when I felt a pain jolt down my body. I bit my lip and hugged the pillow. Normally he's so careful with me. To still feel him like this, he must have been a little rough with me last night. I must have been far too gone to realize it. What I felt from him last night, was love. He may not have declared it openly but I felt it. Even while saying goodbye I felt it.

I felt it in his every kiss and every touch. He shouldn't have made love to me like that last night. He shouldn't. He should have treated me like shit so that I could hate him. Get over him. He should have treated me badly. What he did made me love him even more, even if he isn't mine to love anymore.

P'Godt is not someone I can own. He's an enigma. I can only love him standing with the crowd, when he becomes famous. I don't want to stand in his path to become the number one. So I decided to let him go. I've heard somewhere that if you love someone you need to let them go. If they come back then they are forever yours. But if they didn't then they will never be yours.

How can I get you to see
That I'm falling apart
Since you've been gone
I can never be sure
I could ever let go

Your love is much too strong
There are some things
That I guess I'll never know
When you love someone
You gotta learn to let them go       Dream about you by Stevie B

It hurt like nothing to say those words. But love is not only about owning and belonging. Love is sacrifice. Love is being selfless and be happy when he is happy.

I may be an eighteen year old brat. But I'm lot matured for my age though I never act on it. I might cry, pine and sulk and stay in bed for days but I would never blame him.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom awkwardly. I stared at my reflection curiously. My lips are chapped and bruised due to kissing for hours. I traced them with my finger tips. Then I trailed my fingers to the side of my neck. There were few red marks, nothing I couldn't hide with concealer. My fingers trailed over my chest. Nothing there too except few fading red patches.

The worst areas were pelvis and inner thighs. There were so many purplish red marks scattered around. My face heated remembering his mouth there. How he kissed, sucked and tongued every inch of skin on my body, like he wanted to imprint me to his memory. How he spent hours down there.

I touched them one by one trailing my finger tips. Why did you have to be so cruel P'Godt? It's like he permanently ruined me for any other person other than him. He left his permanent mark on my mind by being the most amazing lover. Why did you take everything P'Godt? You could have left something for me to go on? No, you had to take everything. And I'm sure he did that on purposely. He's very possessive of me usually.

Well, I don't think I can open my heart to anyone else, not for a very long time at least. So you didn't have to worry about that.

I took a shower, gently washing P'Godt's sent off of my body. I moved wash cloth over my sensitive areas wincing slightly. In few days all the marks from his lips and teeth would fade away. Eventually, his scent from my bed linen would fade down when mom changed sheets as customary. His sent would become a sensory memory in my brain.

And then there would only be dreams of him. I can dream about you P'Godt, can I? You can come to me in my dreams P'Godt, can you?

I don't have to say goodbye, when I see you in my dreams
Like the warmest summer wind, I feel you in the breeze
It'll never be goodbye, cause I'll see you in my dreams
So until later, in my dreams

I sleep through the days now, just in case you might show up
I'm wasting away now, but I still feel all the love
If I wake up, stay with me
I sleep through the days now, just to see you in my dreams

Came to me again last night, to say it's okay to breathe
Take it slow take it easy, and take all the time you need
You won't need to close your eyes, when I hold you in my wings
So until later, in my dream

I sleep through the days now, just in case you might show up
I'm wasting away now, but I still feel all the love
If I wake up, stay with me
I sleep through the days now, just to see you in my dreams

Dreams by DOLF & Weird Genius ft. Rochelle.

A/n - Apologies for a late chapter. It took me a long time to capture Bas' emotions after separation. Thank you lovely readers. 😘😘😘