Hidden Reality: A collection of poems

I'm Lost

6/11/18

"I don't wanna hurt you.

Leave you disappointed in my shit tools.

I always wanted to take away the mask that glued

Unto my face, it's like a tattoo.

I know it's wrong to hide behind fakery,

But it seems to be all that's left from my terrible history.

Scared to pry off the skin layer I have created,

No longer a monster, instead it's plaited.

Twisted into my DNA,

I swear to God I can't slay it

Without damaging the real me hiding behind the bouquet.

Forever cemented, no use pretending.

This is all I have left to cling on,

I'm desperate,

I know it.

I'm lost.

Parents don't realize the things I've done.

The thoughts I've had,

The medicine I teased about dosing,

The scissors I brought to my room all to cut,

The stupid ass excuses to cover up.

I'm annoying,

I'm stupid,

I'm just a kid--I can't lose it.

Love gave me a reason to continue,

But the lack of it gave me reason to begin the end route.

I'm lost.

Friends knew that something was going on,

But I was too scared to tell so I decided to shut them off.

I always wished I had the head to tell 'em,

But their reactions scared me,

What's the point if they can't stop it?

This battle is making me angry,

Frustrated.

Why can't I just be renounce and get tucked in a blanket?

I cry and I cry

Just to let it out.

The demons inside are just not letting go.

They have a hold on my heart,

So tightly not even a barb

Could cut right through these titanium bars.

I'm lost.

You know:

Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world.

The demons subside and I almost feel normal.

But then I go alone in my room,

And the feelings of dread, fear, and loath comes crashing through my windows.

I'm lost.

Eyes opened,

Fear growin'.

No motivation to keep on going.

But then I think the thoughts of death,

I don't wanna die,

I just wanna be left.

Left alone from all of my problems.

And regain from all of my losses.

This isn't the type of life I bargained,

But then again, no one gets pardoned.

I ain't the first,

And I won't be the last.

So to those who feel as if life's coming on them fast,

It's gonna be alright,

The light is about to shine through this dark candlelight."

- Novice_Key