Hidden Reality: A collection of poems

Ashamed.

Date: 3/28/18
Warning: More cussing than usual!

"Alright.
I understand the pain
Caused by this stupid awful game.
Understand the rules,
Man, dontcha think I'm ashamed?
Wake up every morning just like the last.
Something always feels wrong,
Like a blast from the past.
Close my eyes wishing
That soon it will pass,
But open my mind realizing that fuck:
That shit just doesn't last.

Reality strikes me like a thunderstorm,
I can't fight this battle, man
I ain't no Dragonborn.
I can't scream all of my issues away in the sky
Can't sweep the crumbs under the rug no matter how hard I try.
I'm just not supplied with that specific fortunate type of thing.

I got a loving family that don't care if I'm gay,
And caring friends that know something has really changed.
I got a roof over my head,
And food to last weeks.
Up-to-date technology that can keep me company.
I can't complain.
Yet I do,
That's why I feel so ashamed.

Let me be honest here.
I would give up everything I have
All just to feel happy again.
My room, my shoes,
The clothes slacked on my back.
All of my items just to feel whole again.
School has changed me--
For better or for worse.
Whatever type it chose,
It still gave me a bad curse.
Gave me insecurities about my face,
And a bunch of bad habits of tying on names.
My parents think I'm alright,
I'm okay.
Just a bit annoyed and tired of playing charades.
And I guess they're right.
Had a kid tell me once that they weren't gonna do their part,
And another that said, "Fuck it,
I'll leave you in the dark."
I feel so ashamed.

I don't have no right
To voice my issues.
Stress on words,
That's in the queue.
There are not enough cuss words to elaborate the pain,
Just a bunch of shits, goddammits, fucking—I've had it!
So don't waste your time,
I ain't worth it.
I'm just a little spoiled rich kid,
Ashamed in myself because of my status,
And the unavailability of tearing off my cravats.
Ashamed."

- Novice_Key