Because of you

2.

Jackson

I braced myself, tugging my cap lower as I entered the dressing room. I caught Jinyoung's eyes as he stared at me through the mirror.

He was the one who decided to end things. So why? Why does he look so empty? I turned away, my heart lurching painfully, not wanting to show him how much he still affected me.

I changed quickly, looking at the clothes our coordinator left out for me. I pretended not to notice that the clothes became baggier on me as compared to before.

"Hyung!" Bam dashed to me. He had been sending me loads of messages everyday, telling me about his day, his cats, lame jokes he read or videos he saw. I was thankful, I tried replying whenever I could, knowing that he did it only because he didn't want me to feel alone.

"Bam ah" I stop him, pressing against his chest as he tried to throw his arm around me. I don't know what is wrong nor why but I couldn't take any form of human contact without flinching these days.

Bam tilted his head with a frown, watching as I hugged my hand to myself after.

"You can't go on like this. At this rate you'll be skinnier than me" Bam sighed, scanning me from head to toe.

"It's just practice and the filming" I shrug, settling into the couch. Our manager came in, scanning me with a frown. He stood at the couch next to us as Bam and I chatted before wanting to grab my shoulder. I dodged by moving away, pretending not to notice his hand and asking them to start on my makeup.

I approached Jinyoung slowly from behind, scanning his face as he closed his eyes while they sprayed his hair. He had become skinnier, his face sharper as his cheekbones were more prominent.

Why wasn't he looking after himself? I thought, frowning. I chose to stay away, to make things easier for him. So why?

My body started trembling when our manager pushed me downward into the chair causing him look at me in the mirror. He looked curiously at me as I paled, simply shaking my head. He lingered behind our chairs as Jinyoung and I sat next to each other, clasping his arm on Jinyoung shoulder.

I kept my gaze forward as they started on my makeup and hair. I could still see Jinyoung from the corner of my eyes and I guess that was enough.

The other members slowly came into the room, all of them dressed and ready. They chatted with me, slowly drifting away to sit and wait after earning half hearted and one worded responses from me. Well, I tried. I really did.

~

"Okay good. Now if you all could just stand a little closer" the photographer said.

I shifted my body sideways, tilting my head to face the camera as the others huddled together.

"Jackson. You too. Move in" the photographer gestured.

I started hyperventilating as I stood closer, one of my shoulder against Bam's, the other against JB's.

"Okay. Hold. 1, 2..."

I couldn't hold it any longer as I made a mad dash for the washroom. I dropped to ground, using my palms to break my fall as my legs gave way. I crawled to the toilet, heaving while shivering.

"Ka Ka. 你没事吧?" Mark asked, knocking on the door. I hauling myself up to the sink, gargling my mouth. Stupid me. Stupid.
A/N: You're okay right?

"Yeah. Just bad lunch" I reply, opening the door. I watched as Mark scanned me, shaking his head while beckoning for me to follow him.

"I'm not going to ask about what and why. 그냥... 괜찮나?" he asked, turning to face me while walking backwards.
A/N: Just... are you okay?