I hate my anxiety. It only seems to cause more problems...and in the end...it makes people mad at me. I wish I didn't have it. My mom and I fight over it, I get yelled at when I have a panic attack, it makes me almost hurt myself during a panic attack, and it's kept me from doing so much. I hate it so much. I feel so trapped.

My mom claims to understand it cause "she was shy too" but it's not cause I'm shy. I used to be just fine! But now...I can't even talk to people. My reactions are slow and delayed, everything feels awkward, I hate myself after a conversation cause I feel like everything I said was annoying, most of the time I just smile and nod cause I can't think of anything to say, I lied to my teacher about having my presentation cause I didn't think I could present, I don't remember the last time I really made good eye contact, I had so many panic attacks in school, I went home and missed a lot of school cause of my anxiety which royally fucked some things up for me. I'm trying...so hard...I'm trying to order my own food, I'm trying to do things myself cause you expect it, but I can't always do it and it feels like you hate me whenever I can't do it...I'm supposed to be old enough to do things on my own and I can't...I wish I didn't have anxiety...

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