Thoughts

183

I feel awful. I feel like absolute fucking shit. And I have a lot to think about...I mean...I just got invited to one of my best friend's 16th birthday party. So I guess I can't die right now...I'd miss it and that would be cruel. But I really have nothing left. Everything has fallen apart...school is fine, doing work keeps me distracted from wanting to die and feel miserable. But god I feel fucking ignored and replaced. She has her new friends. What do I matter? She gets annoyed at me a lot and she ignored my messages now...what's left to live for honestly...? And I've thought about texting one of those...suicide text lines or whatever cause I hate talking on the phone...but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want some stranger telling me life will get better. Everybody says that. It doesn't. And I don't want to open up...even if something would be completely anonymous. I don't want to do it...I guess I'll have to stay alive...I have my friend's birthday and I'd hate to hurt her. *Sighs* I just feel so empty a lot of the time. Nevermind. I apologize. I'm heading back to my other account. Please if you know it, don't bring this up. The cloud went away and I am feeling relatively fine again. It's okay. Don't worry, I'm fine.