Thoughts

200

Okey. This is random. But I had a thought.

I don't scream. Like I scream sometimes if I'm jump scared, but when I feel fear or anything, I don't scream. I freeze up. My muscles tense up, I try to play dead, I don't move an inch, and sometimes I'll barely breathe. My therapist described this as the third response to fear. There's fight, flight, and freeze. I do freeze. So I was scared one night and thought, what if some person entered my room at night to murder me or some shit? Cause I think about that and get scared when I hear footsteps that seemingly have no source. *Shudders* anyway. I had the thought "would I be able to scream to alert the house? Or would I freeze up?" Thinking about it, naturally I can only see myself freezing up. Which scares me even more. Cause then I wouldn't be able to scream to alert others. But. Yeah. I just had that thought.

This is the kinda shit I think about. I wanna go back downstairs and exercise more but I can't cause my mom is on the phone and that will make me almost have a panic attack. Up here. Where it's quiet. I'm fine cause I can't hear what they're saying so I can't know if it's good or bad which means possibility of being good which reduces my anxiety that there is hope! Okey. I is done.