Metanoia

"Feels Like Déjà-Vu"

Merlin

Everything in my sense of gravitation was hazy. On the exterior, I was functioning with ease; moving with the motions. Inside, all my mind was doing was raging about him.
What had happened? What caused this to occur?
My heart was feigning with a collective composure.
Democracy.
Arthur.
The two things were tipped on the scale. I wanted to complete both tasks—to figure out how to resolve everything that's happening. But now the balance was beginning to lean in Arthur's favor. There was something different about him. It intrigued me.
I don't know what's worse: The fact that he's in love with me and can't have it, or me betraying him and falling in love with him.
He was winning me over. And I was giving in.
Maybe because it's what I had wanted all along.
My mind traveled back to the present. I was focused on his face, watching his lips move with grace.
"Arthur, where are we going?" I questioned with a small chuckle, my eyes trained on the smile plastered onto his face.
"You'll see," came his simple reply.
We both walked, Arthur leading me into the grove near the castle. After taking a few minutes to reach the destination, Arthur and I settled into a clearing.
My nose detected smoke. "Arthur; what-"
"Just relax, Merlin," Arthur cut me off, laughing at my grim expression. My senses sharpened in the darkness, detecting different shades of lighting coming from a few trees away. What on earth was Arthur doing?
"Merlin..." Arthur mumbled to me. Settling my eyes back to him, I took notice to the hand he was sticking out. My pupils dilated, eyes meeting his.
"May I?" His voice came softly.
An overwhelming feeling of warmth clouded my mind. I couldn't do anything but let the smile break through the door and make an entrance in my face. Eyes gleaming, I gently touched his hand, as he then took my palm in grasp. It was as if a fire bursted in my chest—the burning sensation bright and unwavering.
Arthur led the way once again, this time with my hand in his. When we reached past a few trees, another clearing made an appearance.
This one was bigger.
And was filled with candles and a blanket.
I breathed Arthur's name again, the grin widening on my face. His hand dragged me over to the picnic he had laid out for the two of us. Awkwardly sitting, I silently watched with a flushed face as Arthur took out two glasses along with a pitcher of wine.
"You brought wine?" I chuckled, my nose detecting the essence of squeezed grapes.
Arthur shrugged in reply. Filling both glasses, he handed one to me, taking his cup in hold, raising it slightly to announce. "A toast," he spoke. "To us."
Biting back a smile, I clinked my glass against his, taking a sip of the liquid inside. The taste was delectable. And strong. My eyes watered upon smelling the substance, watching as Arthur gave a soft laugh to my reaction. Joining him, we both then began to eat.
"It's not much; but it's all I could manage to-"
"It's wonderful, Arthur," I quickly cut him off, my reassurance covered in a grin.
Moments passed, as we began to make our custom dinners. My eyes glanced over to Arthur's plate. Turkey and cheese along with other condiments and items were neatly tucked in between two slices of bread. My nose twitched, as I turned back to face my piece. I continued to rip off bits of my loaf, doing the same with other ingredients.
"What on earth are you doing?" Arthur questioned, absentmindedly taking a bite of his sandwhich.
Biting my lip, I stole a nearby twig on the ground, wiping it of grime and debris, before beginning to stick the food on the object. Once I was finished, I held up for Arthur to analyze.
"What is it, exactly?" Arthur was curious—eventually leaning over to scan his eyes over it.
I chuckled. "Not sure. I will call it 'The Merlin'."
Arthur looked at me with a fazed expression, slightly shaking his head with a smile, before returning to his food. Gazing at my creation, I eyed it wearily before taking a solid bite into it. Arthur watched as I slowly chewed it.
"Is it good?"
I nodded my head in approval. "Yes. Although I don't recommend eating the stick with it."
Another laugh was shared, as we continued to eat, admiring the silent company. More jokes and stories were exchanged. It was complete bliss.
When we neared the ending of our dinner, Arthur's eyes suddenly widened, gazing to the sky as if something was about to happen. His hand suddenly gripped onto mine. "C'mon, I want to show you something." Lacing my eyebrows, I reluctantly grabbed his hand, as we trudged through the grove with dazed footsteps.
Crickets were heard deep in the grove chirping; fireflies were having conversations with blinking lights; and the trees were whistling ever so slightly with the wind. The scenario was beautiful.
We both soon reached a cliff, as my eyes shifted down to see the drop. It flew into the depths of another forest, the trees swaying in the wind, roots weary.
"Merlin," Arthur chuckled. "Look up, not down."
And that's when I saw it. I don't know how I didn't notice it before. The city walls would constantly block the view of the night sky.
But the stars weren't as prominent as the moon tonight. The orb was a bright, red diffused hue, contrasting the color of the night sky.
"It's beautiful," I said breathlessly. My legs traveled to sit down next to Arthur, as we gazed at the moon with smiles plastered onto our faces.
"They call it a harvest moon," Arthur exclaimed.
"They?" I questioned softly in response.
"Foreigners. People outside of Albion." In my peripheral vision, Arthur's stare traveled to the ground. "They don't have castles—politics. They're free."
My gaze softened, as my eyes traveled to Arthur's. "Do you think we'll be free someday?"
A smile grazed Arthur's face, as trained his face to see mine. "I'd like to hope so."
Hope. Hope was a word I was beginning to admire.
After a few moments of collected silence, Arthur fished for something in his pocket.
"Arthur? What are you doing?"
Then the orphic sight made an appearance.
"This feels like déjà-vu to me, but..." Arthur gently took ahold of my hand, delicately placing the flower in my grasp. My eyes scanned over it in wonder. Then, something suddenly clicked. My muscles twitched, as something flickered off in my memory.
"Oh—uh..." He fumbled with something in his pocket, before taking out a worn down flower, the stem cracked in several different places. "For you."
I flinched as the flower was stuck out for me to take. Upon then seeing a sad sheen of gloss cover his eyes, I quickly regretted my past action, deciding to grip onto the flower, then gently take it into my grasp. Looking down, I admired the flower in my lap, the thought of Arthur bringing the present to me embracing me with comfort and warmth. I gave a smile to him. "Thank you, Arthur."
"Merlin?" Arthur's concerned voice questioned.
Heaving little breaths, I gazed back at the moon, letting the sight soothe my mind. "I'm fine."
What just happened? Déjà-vu, Arthur had said.
Was it a memory? Was I remembering?
Ever so softly, I let my hand grope the grass, soon finding Arthur's hand. The sudden warmth encased me nicely. It was a moment I didn't mind being trapped in. His hand retracted away for a second, but upon realizing it was me, he then rested his hand against mine, letting his thumb graze my palm and fingers.
I released a contempt breath, pleased with the current situation. My head eventually found its way to Arthur's shoulder. A gentle squeeze to my hand was then given by Arthur—who at the moment—looked flushed. My actions soon mimicked his, as heat scattered across my face.
I didn't know what it was, but something clicked; the last piece of the puzzle now found. I couldn't pretend any longer—couldn't shy it away.
He was trying to win me back.
And I was letting him.
Closing my eyes, I let my thoughts drift.
I'm in love with Arthur Pendragon.

A/N: Hello everybody! So it's been confirmed! (Que screeching) If you've enjoyed this book so far, feel free to leave a vote or comment—it means a lot to me! Thanks! Bye!